Billy Gault -- The Time Of This World Is At Hand

Bad Luck or Blessing In Disguise?

The death card in Tarot rarely refers to physical death. It generally refers to an extreme change in life circumstances. I did not draw this card, but the reader will soon see why I used it to illustrate my circumstances.

I had something terrible happen last night. I literally fell asleep at work, not just dozed off but fell sound asleep. I woke up to see the father of my patient in the room. Understandably, he was angry with me, but he said that he wouldn't tell the agency. However, when I called them to find out about changing cases, I was told that I'll need to come in tomorrow to talk to the clinician on the case. To me, that sounds a lot like fired. I'm considering doing a pre-emptive strike and telling them that I'm quitting.

That's the way this agency works. They work their people into the ground, and then when something like this happens, they fire them. An excellent nurse that I worked with, one who did ventilator cases, got fired for the same thing. They were having her work 60 hours a week all the time, and she fell asleep. The family told the agency, and she was fired.

I'm working for a second agency and could probably go full time with them, although it's a $2 per hour cut in pay. Still, better than nothing. I'm feeling like maybe I should just go to work for them.

I've also got my foot in the door with a company that works with retired uranium workers and miners who have lung problems. They pay more hourly. Perhaps I will pursue this option.

I got one of those online card readings, but I'm the one interpreting it. It only involves the two pediatric home care agencies I work with.

The top left card represents the first possible outcome. (going with the second company)

The Magician: Mastery over word, mind, and matter. The ability to turn ideas into actions, handle problems, and control one's life. The initiation of new projects, great works, or a new way of life. Eloquent and moving communication. Arcane and eldritch technologies.

The top right card represents the second possible outcome. (staying with the first company, provided I'm not fired) 

Six of Wands (Victory): A sense of honor and satisfaction at the resolution of an important matter. Triumph after great struggle. Jubilation at the hearing of good news. The realization of hopes and desires.

The middle left card represents the force drawing you towards the first possible outcome. 

Queen of Cups, when reversed: The dark essence of water, such as a deep and foreboding lake: Discomfort with the worlds of mind and matter, leading to a retreat to the spiritual. The embrace of negative relationships, driven by the desperate fear of being alone. Devotion to fantasies and daydreams, to the exclusion of practical skills or the pursuit of knowledge. Insecurity leading to dishonor, vice, and undue susceptibility to outside influences.

(With the first company, they claimed flexibility with the schedule, but I've never seen that. My writing has definitely been suffering, which is, I suppose, the devotion to fantasies and daydreams. Perhaps it's my Achilles heel. Impractical people do not do well in this world.)

The middle right card represents the force drawing you towards the second possible outcome. King of Wands, when reversed: The dark essence of fire behaving as air, such as lightning: An exciting and reckless leader who inspires others to irresponsible acts. An artist whose depraved love of chaos causes him to take hold of destructive ideas and make them appealing to the masses. One who is charismatic and intimidating, using demonstrations of his own skill to dupe others into accepting responsibilities beyond their ability. A dashing and magnetic personality, appearing and disappearing with great suddenness, and leaving upheaval in his wake.

(This honestly sounds a lot like my coordinator at the agency I currently work with. I don't know about any artistic tendencies on his part, but he is a charismatic and intimidating person who pushes people into taking on too much responsibility. He's ex-military and doesn't mind throwing his weight around. When I was thinking about quitting to go work for the agency that works with retired nuclear power workers and miners, he railroaded me into staying with the current company, including doing things like calling me outside work hours to tell me how much I was inconveniencing him by looking for other jobs.)

The bottom card represents the critical factor that decides what will come to pass. Seven of Wands (Valor): Standing courageously for your beliefs in the face of adversity. Fear of failure overcome by the will to succeed. Great obstacles met with heroism and determination. Inner strength brought to bear at a critical moment.

(I intend to stand up for myself. If they say that I'm fired, I'm not going to beg for my job back or throw a fit. I'll politely thank them for their time and walk out of there with dignity.)

If anyone has any other thoughts on the reading, feel free to tell me. I hate doing readings for myself because I tend to be blinded by my own embroilment in the situation.

This may be one of those blessings in disguise, but right now it's hard to see it that way. If nothing else, I can always go to work driving for Uber Eats and this contract company called Roadie which delivers parcels. It would be a cut in pay, but I'd never again have to worry about letting anyone down if I were too sick or tired to work. 

Of course there's always the damn insurance problem.

Cie

Who has either been blessed with backhanded good luck or cursed with bad

The Cheese Grates It: The Fasting Blood Sugar Paradox and Societal Hatred of Big Bodies

Trigger warning for eating disorders/diet talk.

With diabetes, you can have the fasting blood sugar paradox. Blood sugar levels after sleeping may be elevated, thanks to the liver kicking out glycogen and (for a type 2 diabetic) the body not being able to utilize its own insulin properly. For instance, my fasting blood sugar was 133 this morning and would have been much higher if I weren't taking Metformin. In someone who isn't diabetic, the sugars would be below 100 prior to eating.

The problem for someone like me is I long ago formed the attitude that not eating was a good thing, so I have a tendency to wait until I'm ravenously hungry before I eat. Thing is, Metformin has a tendency to kill the appetite. So I end up fighting with myself, having to tell myself that it's okay to eat, that I need to eat in order to regulate my blood sugar, and that starving never made me thin anyway, for fuck's sake.

Because in this stupid, fucked up world, we are trained from an early age that fat is the worst thing we can possibly be. We could be molesting children and puppies, raping goats, sacrificing kittens to the ancient demons of the sewers of the underworld, and just being a generally horrible person whose hero is probably Steve Bannon, but none of this is considered as bad as being fat in this society.

That's dumb, it's ridiculous, and I consciously reject it.

My subconscious is a stupid fucker, and I have to beat it into submission before I can eat. I go through this daily, sometimes multiple times.

Don't teach your kids that fat is bad. It will fuck them up for life.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

"Perfect Flow"

Venus!

Darkness will soon be unleashed upon the Earth

I was raised with a family that strongly believed in doomsday prophecies and Satanic conspiracies. Believe me, it was difficult being a fan of horror, sci-fi and rock music. I kept my love for those things on the down-low, playing the good, straight-laced girl. I was afraid I was going to hell for the things I enjoyed. It took a lot of years to fully get away from that mind set. I had many awful nightmares about being damned to hell.

I have spiritual beliefs. I believe in a higher power. You can call it God. I think it is different for everyone. I don't think it shuts anyone out. I think the beliefs that evolved might be termed esoteric Christianity. I don't believe in doomsday prophecies.

I think this sort of "satanic panic" preaching does more harm than good.

I had an aunt who was a big believer in the whole "spiritual warfare" idea. I really can't talk to her about anything.

These people I speak of are from my mother's side of the family. My siblings and I don't have much in common with them.

My dad's family were Catholic. They were pretty devout, but they were more rational than my mom's side.

This stuff did a lot of damage to my psyche. Listening to this guy really makes me cringe.

It shows me how far I've come. I would never want to go back to that place of fear.

These guys have way too much imagination. It would be fine if they were writing a story. Unfortunately, they are indoctrinating other people into their destructive way of thinking.

~Ursula~

Not So Wordless Beautiful Wednesday: Gem

Image Source:

http://www.rgbstock.com/bigphoto/mqppEd4/Angel+Light

Not So Wordless Beautiful Wednesday:

Gem

 Open-minded readers only, if you please.

I've mentioned Gem on occasion before. Much of the material in this post is copied verbatim from the Otherworldly Love page on this blog, of which I am the author. Hang on, I need to ring up my Undead lawyer and start proceedings to sue myself for plagiarism!

http://openmindedsearchfortruth.blogspot.com/p/otherworldly-love.html

Gem is the only one I would have allowed myself to take the chance on love with again. 

Gem is a helpful spirit, but he is not a "spirit guide" per se. He is a human spirit. It would be unethical for a higher spirit to form a romantic bond with a human because of the frailty of the human psyche.

Gem and I formed a bond because we fell in love while helping each other. He was lonely, and I was open to talking with him. He discovered that I was lonely and far from filled with hope for the future. He tried to cheer and encourage me.

Is Gem beautiful? I feel the preceding paragraph answers that, but he is also beautiful to behold. He has shown me his true form (as opposed to his astral form). It looks very much like what is depicted above. 

When we shed all our baggage, we are light.

Gem has been with me for just short of two and a half years now. He is with me quite a bit of the time. He talks with me and he loves giving me warm hugs and gentle kisses. We talk about things, and we even write together. The main story that we work on can be found at peppersfetch.blogspot.com

I love you, Gem. There are no words in human language to describe your ethereal beauty.

~Cie~