If she keeps adding bricks to the wall, maybe you need to get a clue
The Cheese Grates It:
The Fallacy of the Friendzone
TRIGGER WARNING:
Discussion of sexual assault
This is a response to a post on David Futrelle's marvelous blog, "We Hunted the Mammoth." Pretty much every day, David dives into the bilge that is the thoughts of MRA's, MGTOWs and "pickup artists" and somehow manages to come up smelling like a rose while he exposes their manure for what it is. I can't recommend "We Hunted the Mammoth" enough!
Anyway, here is my story of life as a Friendzoning Bitch.
I've had guys who got angry with me for "friendzoning" them. One of them was my ex boyfriend, who was an ex because of all the emotional abuse he heaped on me but I was still young and naive enough at the time that I thought it would be "the kind thing" to remain friends with him. I took him to a Halloween party given by one of my co-workers. I and one of my other co-workers started flirting with each other, and my ex boyfriend made a scene. I took him back to my apartment because his car was parked there. I thought he had left and I went to bed with all my clothes on. I woke up with my clothes off and him on top of me. I screamed (or more accurately, slurred) at him to stop. I was far too drunk to actually fight. Yes, I know I shouldn't have been driving in that condition. When he was done, he said "well, now we're back together." I had back to back panic attacks during every waking hour for a year after this happened.
Less than a year later, my very screwed up self got into a really bad relationship with a guy who would do things like order me to kiss his feet and make me watch bestiality porn, threatening to pull his "love" away from me if I didn't do what he asked. He ended up picking up some girl who worked at the video store where he got a lot of his porn (this was 1998) and then being angry with me for being upset that he was fooling around when he told me I was "the one." I finally mustered the emotional wherewithal to break free of him, but not before I cut my wrists and showed up at his window begging him to let me in. The cuts were superficial, but I still have scars from them.
Following the breakup, a guy whom I considered a friend ended up emotionally browbeating me because I didn't want to go out with him. I told him I'd just gotten out of a really bad relationship and didn't want to get into another relationship at that point, if at all. He said "well, thanks for destroying my ego." He claimed that the only reason I didn't want to date him was because he was fat. Well, not being thin myself, that would be pretty hypocritical. Besides, on a physical level, I've been attracted to guys from Joey Ramone to John Goodman and every size in between. My reasons for not wanting to date this guy amounted to: I'd just gotten out of a really bad relationship, and I had a lot of problems. I didn't know it at the time and wouldn't find out for another twelve years, but I had untreated type 2 bipolar disorder. Also, he was kind of emotionally immature, and I already had an eight year old child, plus my ex husband who has Aspberger's who was living with me as a roommate because he was between jobs. I didn't need to add a 35 year old overgrown kid to the mix. Also, he said that thing which should always be a red flag: "I'm not like those other guys."
This "nice guy" behavior ruined what had seemed to be a good friendship up to that point.
TL:DR If someone is "friendzoning" you, it may not be about you. But if you keep pressuring her, you're going to lose her friendship. If you actually value said friendship, cut it out. If, on the other hand, you are a "nice guy," do her a favor and leave her alone, because you really don't care about anything but her vagina anyway.
~The Cheese Hath Grated It~
