We are nothing (and that is beautiful): Alok Vaid-Menon at TEDxMiddlebury

Blüh' im Glanze (Flourish in this Fortune's Blessing) - Trailer

A powerful little piece. Very thought provoking, yet not heavy handed.

~Faycin~

Remains of Veterans Found in Basement Are Buried

Shockingly vicious comments on this video. Sad that some people choose to be so filled with hate.

~Rose~

Crazy Creatives Cheerleading Camp: First Meeting

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The Rules, and My First Post

I wanted to set up a Linky, but for reasons unknown, it isn't appearing. Rather than waste any more time fighting with the stubborn Linky, just put your link in the comments. Visit your fellow participants, should there be any, and support each other!

I came up with this idea after feeling frustrated that there was no place for creative people with mental illness to discuss our particular challenges. I was, for a while, a member of the Insecure Writers Support Group, because who knows more about insecurity than a person living with mental illness? 

This isn't a bad group. They're nice enough people. However, like most normal people, they don't get it, and that's frustrating. By "insecure," they mean "is my work good enough to publish?" A person living with mental illness may mean "is there any reason for me to keep creating when I wish I was dead?" 

Normal people freak out when you talk about that kind of stuff.

Normal people like Good Crazies. A Good Crazy is the kind of person who ever so bravely keeps going uncomplainingly in spite of the fact that they want to throw themselves off a bridge into a pit of spikes while drinking arsenic. Normal people like to pat Good Crazies on the back and praise them for being so well behaved. Doing this makes normal people feel good about themselves.

I am not a Good Crazy.

I was feeling awful and I talked about how awful I was feeling.

This makes normal people run away and/or tell you to stop being such a Debbie or Donnie Downer. This doesn't help, and it may make things worse.

I wanted to give people a space where they could talk about those feelings and not worry about that happening.

It's okay to say "I really want to put my work out there, but I fear ridicule because it will put me in the black pit for a month."

It's okay to say "I'm experiencing high levels of suicide ideation."

It's okay to talk about being really, really depressed, even if there's no "good reason" for the depression.

I encourage people to use trigger warnings at the top of their post.

Also, if you're talking about suicidal feelings, I might suggest using a scale of one to ten to rate suicide ideation level vs. suicide planning level. For instance, my suicide ideation is sometimes quite high, but actual planning is very low. 

The trouble with discussing suicidal feelings is that some people don't understand suicide ideation and will literally try to find out where you are and send the police to your house. I don't want that shit, and I know you don't either. The criminalization of suicide is a discussion for another time, but it's something that really pisses me off.

If you are literally, actually planning to commit suicide, please call the crisis line at 1-800-273-8255. 

Otherwise, yes, you can talk about that. If anyone chides you for talking about that, I will leave a polite but firm comment on their blog informing them that such behavior is not cool.

Other things not to do:

Don't be hateful regarding someone's sexual orientation. 

Don't "tsk tsk" people for using salty language in their posts. Don't lecture them about how profanity is "low class" or "a sign of an inferior intellect." I've seen both of these bullshit arguments, and I call bullshit. Furthermore, it's just plain rude. This isn't elementary school. Most of us are adults. Some may be teenagers, but I'm pretty sure most teenagers know all the words. I know I did. 

Don't belittle another person's spiritual beliefs or proselytize. If a person is an Atheist and you are a devout Christian, don't tell that person that they're going to hell for their beliefs. Conversely, if someone is a Christian and you are a devout Atheist, don't refer to that person's God as a "sky fairy" or other such belittling epithet. If a person is a Muslim, don't make Islamophobic comments. If a person is a Pagan, don't call them a devil worshiper. 

What you should do:

Be supportive. Many persons with mental illness feel adrift. I know I often do. 

My vision is for this to become a group where people can find the support that they haven't been able to elsewhere. I hope you'll join me.

~Cie~

Understanding the Doorway Between You and the Divine

Who's At The Door?

I wanted to share an experience which happened a couple of months ago. I was over at my son's place resting on the couch. Suddenly a voice said in my mind "the doorbell's about to ring."

About 30 seconds later, the doorbell rang. A woman was at the door with a young boy. She said she was homeless and looking for any food or spare change I could spare to get a hotel room.

I had $8, which I gave to her and wished her luck. It later occurred to me that I should have sent her to the fire station about 1/4 mile away, because they probably could have helped her get to a homeless shelter.

This is a fairly common psychic phenomenon. A person knows the telephone is going to ring shortly before it rings, for instance. Sometimes someone they suddenly started thinking of is on the other end.

"Being psychic" is actually not an ability reserved only for the special few. We all have it. We just have to become more aware of it in ourselves in order to hone it.

~Cie~

Gem is an Effing Goofball

Gem's chosen interpretive portrait of himself

Just to show you the kind of very stodgy spectral being I'm dealing with...

I wanted to make an interpretive portrait of Gem. I'm not a very good artist, so to make the portrait a little prettier, I ran it through some photoshop filters.

What you see above?

Yeah, I was totally ready to hit "cancel" on that. But Gem got all excited. He said "that's it! That's the one!"

I said I'd save it if he wanted, but I was most certainly not going to share it.

He was disappointed. Then he fluttered his eyelashes at me. He has very beautiful eyes and a very fetching smile.

He says this portrait shows off his prominent chin.

He has an angular face. His chin is not that prominent!

He's stubborn and I can't argue with him. Also, I enjoy seeing him happy.

This is Gem's chosen interpretive portrait of himself. He does not actually look like this!

One thing it certainly showcases is his sense of humor. He's a goofball.

I do love you, Gem. 

~Cie~

Mentally Ill and Psychic: Insecurity

"Normal" for me is different than it is for "normal" people

I promised I would never again write posts about my personal feelings, but this is one. I am writing it to discuss how the emotional state effects one's ability to do psychic work.

If you are both psychic and mentally ill, you have to face the scrutiny of people demanding how you know your psychic abilities aren't merely the manifestation of your mental illness. 

It's a good question to ask oneself for the sake of getting to know one's own strengths and drawbacks better. It's a shitty question when it's being asked in a demeaning way by a person who wants to believe themselves to be superior to those who live with mental illness.

This may be a bit disjointed. Bipolar does that all of its own, and since I'm not in a particularly good place right now, it's going to be worse than usual. This ride is likely to go on and on, so feel free to jump out.

When I was first diagnosed with bipolar (type II) twelve years ago, I ended up asking myself that same question regarding my emotions all the time. How did I know whether the things I felt were actually my feelings or whether they were the product of the disease?

The answer is, you come to recognize the difference. It's even more complicated when you throw in a psychic ability such as empathy, because that is emotion based. However, you still come to know the difference.

The other answer is, you won't be able to tell 100% of the time. Just like any other skill, sometimes you'll be making educated guesses. That makes you the same as any other student or expert in a given field.

The problem that people with psychic skills face is since we're dealing with something that's not a hard science, if we make even one mistake, it's seen as proof that we're frauds, our abilities aren't real, and there's no such thing as metaphysics because YOU GOT ONE WRONG! Its as if the proof of our crafts rest solely on our shoulders. This is bullshit.

I find myself doubting not only my own abilities but everything else about me when I get in one of these dark places. I'm better about it than I used to be, but it still isn't fun. Even five years ago, I would have been calling myself a piece of shit and telling myself that I need to resign myself to the fact that I'm a shitty person who isn't good at anything. At this point I'm trying to focus myself on the reality: things aren't going well right now, and a lot of it is out of my control.

There is actually an end to this, but part of the problem lies on the fact that it isn't exact. My situation will begin to resolve either by the end of this week or the beginning of next. The trouble is, I'm making no income while it does.

I work as a home health nurse for medically fragile pediatric patients. I love doing homecare. It allows me to get to know my patient. I'm not having to run off down the hall to answer a call light, having to rush through things with one patient so I can get to the next patient. I am with my patient in their home for however many hours I've been assigned to them (eight or more). During that twenty-four hour period, I have no other patients.

I would like to continue working this job for the rest of my working life, which should be about twenty years. However, there are drawbacks to this line of work. I am a contractor, which means that I don't get paid time off. I do get insurance. It's very good insurance, and it costs a small fortune. The insurance racket in the United States is a discussion for some other time.

I try to put money into savings, but most of the time it doesn't stay there. I am trying to keep two very old cars up and running, because without them, guess who isn't working. The hours I work do not allow for taking the bus, and I'm going to places that are sometimes miles off the bus line. For me, having a car is imperative.

I can't just buy a new car because my credit is extremely bruised and my debt to income ratio is too high--thanks in great part to being in a state of constantly paying off car repairs. Plus my never-ending high interest mortgage, which I can't refinance because the place is worth less than the amount owed and far from stellar credit. It's called the high cost of being poor.

Let me put something in perspective. I make well above the minimum wage. I work a skilled job. I work full time plus. I still can't make ends meet. This does not mean I am lazy or even that I don't know how to manage money. It means that something is very, very wrong in this society. I am far from the only person in this situation. We are becoming a nation of haves and have-nots. The middle class is disappearing. This does not lead to good things.

I am currently between cases and thus am not making any money. This is a problem because see "no paid time off."

I attempted to make a partial payment on one of my car repair accounts yesterday. The a-holes wouldn't let me. I hung up in disgust. I spent the rest of the evening fighting my natural tendency to beat up on myself when something like this happens.

When I was driving home last night, I saw a basset hound lying by the side of the road. It was partway in the road. I was already upset about my money situation, and the ongoing issue of my son being unable to work because of his own psych issues. I avoided hitting the animal and drove on, feeling deep sadness for the people who would discover that their pet had gotten out of the yard and then killed. This was compounded by the grief I still feel for losing my beloved Lafayette.

I didn't get even a mile beyond the site before I was struck with the thought that I should turn back and help. I am certain that at least part of this thought was from Gem, and another part may have been from my father, who always taught us that we should help animals in need. I turned around and drove back to do so. I was thinking that I would not only have to pull the animal out of the road but would have to call its owners. I was not looking forward to that, but it would be the right thing to do.

When I got back to the site, someone else was already pulling the dog out of the road and checking to see if it might still be alive.

I drove on, berating myself for not having stopped right away. What kind of an asshole was I? What kind of weak loser was I to just leave that poor animal lying there? I must be the shittiest kind of person, so absorbed in their own bullshit that I wouldn't even stop to do the right thing. I deserved for nothing good to happen to me ever.

Gem tried to remind me that I was in shock upon initially seeing the animal in that state. I was having trouble perceiving him. I was angry at myself and fearing that I would say something mean to him out of anger. I didn't speak to him much on the way home.

I got back home and Gem and I did some writing. I berated myself that I should be cleaning house instead of writing. Cleaning is something I have a lot of trouble doing when I'm in a bad place emotionally. I tried to stop berating myself and continued writing.

When I went to bed, I dreamed that my ex husband and I were in charge of this contest to get a date for Disturbed's frontman. Don't ask me why. It was a strange dream. The band was playing in this old garage or warehouse. It was a great feeling being around music again, but I really didn't want to party or anything. My drinking days are long behind me and I don't want to grind up against strange men. Still, music always gives me a natural high, and when everyone started pogoing, I joined in. Now I know it was a dream, because trust me, my knees really wouldn't allow me to do that at this point.

I remember that Gem was looking for me in the dream. I saw him and wanted to talk to him. I remember feeling insecure, thinking that someone like him couldn't really like someone like me, telling myself that he was sure to break my heart. Gem was a very shy person in life. Although he became a little more confident as he got older, and being mostly in spirit gives him certain advantages as far as being able to know the motivations of others, I sensed him feeling unsure too. I finally worked up my courage to go talk to him. His smile reminded me of why I started calling him Gem in the first place. He's very precious and in some ways very fragile.

Then I woke up because I had to go to the bathroom. Being on a diuretic (to help lower my blood pressure) is not conducive to sleeping for extended periods!

I feel better today. On a logical level I know that I will be back to work--on two cases this time--in another week at most. There's a lot of red tape involved in setting up cases. Fortunately I don't have to deal with any of that, but I do have to wait while it gets dealt with. 

My connection to Gem is stronger today. He's relieved too. He's in a pretty bad position overall, and I'm his psychic anchor. When my moods are stormy, it makes him back off because in the past I have occasionally taken my upset out on him. It isn't right, and he does not need to be a punching bag. In the past I've been with people I couldn't trust, and sometimes that bleeds through into the present. I'm better at stopping it from becoming a full-on emotional hemorrhage at this juncture.

The last thing I want to touch on is the old adage that people with mental illness should not explore the esoteric. This is a bunch of horseshit. It is a manifestation of the old idea that people with mental illness should basically be locked in the attic and not allowed in public, the belief that we are incapable of doing anything because we are stupid and will fly off the rails when confronted with pretty much anything. 

People with mental illness have the same possibility of having psychic abilities as anyone else. In the past we were told that we need to suppress and ignore these abilities. If anything, I think that this contributes to a worsening of mental health. Do not listen to those who say this sort of thing. Get away from them, quickly. They are bad for you, not only on a psychic development level but on a basic human level.

There is certain ceremonial magic that should be avoided if one is not well-grounded emotionally due to the possibility of summoning entities that could fuck with your head. If your psyche is already on shaky ground, it's best to avoid doing this sort of magic until you are in a better place. However, doing spells for general well-being and life improvement are NOT a problem and may even make you feel better. Do them, and to hell with those who say you don't have the right to.

The rules for talking to spirits and other entities while in a bad psychological state are the same as always. Be cautious and consider what you are being told. If an entity starts telling you to do bad things, break contact. No positive entity will ever encourage you to do something harmful.

If you are mentally ill and psychic, you have a kindred spirit here. Unlike society tells us about aging, there are definite positives to being older. I have had a lot of years of trial and error, and pretty much no-one to help me along. I can use my experiences to help others. Please don't feel shy about asking questions or sharing your experiences. I'd like to help.

~Cie~

Is It Safe to Talk About Bodies and Souls?

OctPoWriMo 2015: Day 24: A Crew of Creatures and a Slew of Seasons

Image Source

A Crew of Creatures and a Slew of Seasons

Here is the imaginary tale

Of a little snail

Who slid off to find the summer

Image Source

I share the adventure of a frog

Who lived down in the bog

He fell off a log and into autumn

Image Source: Michael Stirling at publicdomainpictures.net

Here is the drama of a lizard

Who got caught up in a blizzard

She went underground for winter

Image Source

Like a living fantasy

Butterflies fly free

In a land of eternal spring

~Thalia~

Note:

Today's prompt asked us to create a story poem. I've always been the creative type, and I love doing this sort of thing. 

Sadly, I was never able to make a career of it. Happily, my niece and nephew always loved their Auntie Thalia's stories and drawings of questionable ability. 

They're getting a little old for story time now (nephew is ten, niece just turned twelve five days ago) but they aren't quite too old to be too cool for a tale just yet--happily for me!

I have heard from my parents - Ahlulbayt TV

Anti-Terrorism Act still fresh but workable

Greek pensioners say no to more cuts | DW Business

Greece and the U.S. are on a similar path. The governments are in massive debt, and the people are paying the price. Nobody can get ahead in such a system. It leads to dissatisfaction and elevated crime rates. I am not particularly optimistic about the future.

~Tempest~

LIFE CHANGING LESSONS from Dr Eben Alexander, Author of "Proof of Heaven...

BBC Ancient Greece: The Greatest Show on Earth: Part III: Romans

Conspiracy Theories: Sunday Law Conspiracy

The thing about most conspiracy theories, particularly religious conspiracy theories, is that they crumble when even a modicum of logic is applied.

Granted, there are no doubt some extremists who would like to push the agenda being discussed in this video. However, it is highly unlikely that the majority of people would stand by and allow a law to be enacted that would put people to death for not keeping their Sabbath as they see fit. 

When I was young, I had a relative who had been brought up with some very extreme beliefs. She was actually a rather kind and tolerant person, but she read books which made claims such as everyone would bear the Mark of the Beast by 1984, and would be forced to do so in order to buy groceries. The UPC symbol was proof that this end times prophecy was coming true.

This woman truly feared such things happening, and gave away thousands of dollars to con artist preachers so they could keep up the fight to  "Keep the Devil Away from our troubled world."

Lack of education and willful ignorance both tend to make people vulnerable to con artists and extreme beliefs.

Watch with me now, if you wish, the Sunday Law Conspiracy.

~Helena~

BBC Ancient Greece: The Greatest Show on Earth: Part II: Kings

The Blessed Hope: Adventist Hymns and Stories

I present this video in order for us to both enjoy Mr. Raney's beautiful voice and to understand the beliefs of the Seventh Day Adventists.

When I was in my teens, I enjoyed visiting different houses of worship and learning about the different belief systems. I was raised Catholic but came to what might generally be described as a Gnostic approach to religion, seeking truth through the various beliefs. This continues to be my approach, although I no longer feel quite so inspired to go exploring as I did in my youth.

I am very grateful to have found a group of people who are open-minded with regards to religion and spirituality. Such like are, sadly, rather difficult to find.

~Helena~

BBC Ancient Greece: The Greatest Show on Earth: Part I: Democrats

Had He Not Loved Us

BBC Documentary: The Bizarre World of Ancient Greece

The Cheese Grates It: The Brotherly Dynamic of Team Netherworld's Fetch

The Cheese Grates It: 

The Brother Dynamic of Team Netherworld's Serial, Fetch

This post was primarily created for Team Netherworld's currently somewhat neglected Wincest fan fic and general brotherly love blog, Dream About Me Sweet Brother. My Wincest Tumblr is active, but it's primarily serving up reblogs rather than fresh fan fics created by myself and the other members of the Team at this time.

Let me detail for you the reasons why.

We are participating in OctPoWriMo on Team Netherworld's poetry blog, Dark Hearts Love Too. This is a month-long, daily poetry creation marathon, similar to NaNoWriMo but far less odious. 

I'm not trying to dis NaNoWriMo, I fully support what they do and I'm happy to be a cheerleader for any participant who needs one. I just don't like feeling forced to write a certain amount, because fairly quickly in the process, what's coming up is nothing but bile, verbally speaking. I don't end up with a product that I can even begin to work with, so I ain't gonna do it no more!

The VILE Awards are in full swing over at the Rattling Bones Undead Musician Magazine blog! This is RBUMM'S big annual blog-a-thon. While we do post every day during the month of October,  the format is loose. Regardless of what else happens, the event culminates in the choosing of a truly vile music video to win the VILE Award. The contest is run by the Vogon empire. Last year's winner was "Booty" by J-Lo and Iggy Azelea. You can see the caliber of entertainment we're dealing with here. It's a wild and crazy ride.

I'm working five nights a week. I'm finally doing work that I really feel good about as a pediatric home health nurse. However, I'm working five nights a week. Five night weeks tend to catch up with me and run me over. Currently I've got a nasty cold, which I caught from the baby I'm currently working with. I tend to be pretty prone to every infection that comes down the pike when I work five night weeks. However, overall the job is a positive one. You do what you've gotta do.

Next, the project I came here to talk to you about before I went off the rails.

Team Netherworld is involved in working on a serial which we hope to eventually turn into a series of published novels. The story is called Fetch, and we are very proud of it.

So...what does this have to do with the Brother Dynamic?

The main protagonist in Fetch is a middle-aged musician named Gerry Clifford, who is losing his cognitive abilities. Gerry finds that he is being targeted by a malevolent non-corporeal hive mind whose goal is to enslave him, forcing him to use his psychic abilities for evil. Because his physical mind no longer works correctly, Gerry essentially functions as a spirit even though his body is still alive.
During his out of body wanderings, Gerry finds help and comfort with an empathic psychic medium named Pepper Baiij, and a romantic relationship develops between them.

One might think on the surface that the romantic connection between Gerry and Pepper is the primary focus of the story. However, without the profound bond between Gerry and his protective younger brother Paul, the story becomes Gerry and Pepper rescuing each other from various threats and finding excuses to make out. 

The bond between Gerry and Pepper is powerful, and their love is genuine. The bond between Gerry and his children is warm and gentle, and is integral to establishing his personality. He is a very devoted father. However, the key relationship is expressed in the bond between Gerry and Paul. 

Gerry and Pepper need each other. Their bond was established many lifetimes ago and is essential to their happiness. However, Gerry and Paul are essentially two parts of the same soul. 

There is a bit of Yin and Yang to the dynamic between the brothers. Gerry is quiet, introspective, and his life is complicated by his depressive, addictive, and obsessive tendencies. Paul is outgoing, somewhat manic, and overall tends to present as optimistic, countering and balancing the personality of his understated and sometimes melancholy elder brother.

Because of the strong bond between Gerry and Paul, we have to work to insure that Pepper doesn't become an auxiliary character, eventually seeming more annoying than useful. Originally, Pepper was the main protagonist, but Gerry fairly quickly trumped her. This is simply the way the story evolved. It made sense for the focus to be on Gerry, he being the target of the major antagonist and the key figure in a struggle that dates back before the Earth was formed. Paul has always been at Gerry's side, during their various incarnations, often sacrificing himself to save his brother.

As evidenced by the chosen picture, the story was inspired by Malcolm Young and his battle with dementia, and, concurrently, by the close emotional and psychic bond that Malcolm shares with his younger brother, Angus. Malcolm and Angus are a package deal, so Paul was created to reflect the most important relationship in Malcolm's life.
 Both Malcolm and Angus Young have expressed having metaphysical beliefs during interviews over the years. In fact, I found their belief that they continued to have a bond with Bon Scott after his passing beyond the veil heartwarming and inspiring, and it is because of this belief that I continued my own esoteric explorations rather than forcing myself into a belief system which I felt was both fraudulent and destructive to my soul.
Although the creation of the Gerry and Paul Clifford characters was inspired by Malcolm and Angus Young and the dynamic between them, Gerry and Paul are not clones of Malcolm and Angus. There are similarities in both personality and physical appearance, but Gerry and Paul are interpretive sketches rather than photographic duplicates. The characters are a tribute to the people who inspired their creation rather than being exact copies of those people.
If Fetch seems like the kind of story you might enjoy, either because of the dynamic between the characters or because of the metaphysical flavor, feel free to check it out here. Note that the project is in its formative stages. The chapters are not in cohesive order at this time.
I am now going to find a psychic hammer and whack myself over the head. I really need to get more sleep before I go to work tonight.

The Cheese Hath Grated It

OctPoWriMo 2015: Day 12: Dream Time

Image Source

Asleep

Beautiful dreamer

Come to me

Dream of being together

Eyes closed as you wander

Free to become who you are

Gone are the ties that bind you

Heart beating steady in your breast you breathe

Into the night your soul roams, come to me

Just as you are, just as you always should be

Kiss me softly in the light of the full moon now

Let me love you as I long to, as you long for

Make me happier than I ever imagined being until you came to me

Night folding us in its dark embrace as we draw ourselves together

Only our love matters, our love will last for all time

Precious moments found together under cover of the night sky

Quickly now, before the dawn tears us apart again

Realize the longing within both heart and soul

Sweetly soothe away the sorrows within us

Try to hold each other close

Undying love, unending embrace, unstoppable

Victorious are we together

Xenic we are

Yearning hearts

Zoneless

~Wanda~

Notes:

Xenic:  of, relating to, or employing a culture medium containing one or more unidentified organisms

I thought it would be fun to do a poem which consecutively used all the letters in the alphabet and counting, first up and then back down.

Living In Ancient Greece

25 Things We Would Not Have Without Ancient Greece

Band of Brothers Tribute - Tell My Father

Powerful and heartbreaking. It is up to all of us to continue to work towards a day when there is war no more.

~Misty~

Conspiracy Theories: Malaysia Airlines Flight 17

Who was really behind the crash of MH17? Was it Ukranian rebels? The Ukranian government? Russia? The Dutch branch of Shell Oil? The various theories are examined in this video.

~Fae~

Under My Wing

This is my favorite of my “Angel” manips. It turned out so perfectly because of the dynamic that was already there. 

I believe that the spirit survives the death of the body, and if you believe that then you know that Malcolm is/will be Angus’ real guardian angel, regardless of whether or not winged angelic beings are real.

I think he already is. Angus said in a January interview in Guitar World (I believe) regarding Malcolm “he isn’t in there at all any more.” His body doesn’t allow him to matrix through it any longer because the CPU (brain) has sustained too much damage. He’s already a spirit even though his body remains in the world.

Yeah, I believe in all that esoteric shit. I’ve seen some shit. Every time I have seen some shit, I was stone cold sober and in a stable state of mind psychologically. I’ve experienced more than I’ve seen, because I generally don’t see spirits, but I do sense them.

Anyway, I love how this manip turned out. I love these guys. And when I get to the other side, some fate or power has got some ‘splainin’ to do for the shit it put them through.

~Cie~

In My Dreams

So, this is the picture I have on my key chain and on the back there’s a dementia awareness ribbon. It reminds me of two things: that dementia is fucking shit and needs to be eradicated (Duh) and that sometimes people can be extremely tough regardless of their possibly delicate appearance. So, the picture reminds me to keep fighting, even when I don’t want to.

Not only do I have a brain that wants me dead (suicide ideation is part and parcel of being me) I live with chronic pain which has gotten significantly worse this year. I was fortunate to get into doing home care where my clients are infants, because I can no longer walk for very long distances, and heavy lifting is absolutely impossible. I don’t really know what’s going on inside my back as I haven’t been able to get an MRI yet, but I’m rather certain that there are herniated discs at the least. 

I’ve lived with sciatica since 2001 but I’ve always been able to get around. This year the pain became significantly worse. Sometimes I can hardly walk. 

Art by Kamidiox.tumblr.com <3

What I’m getting around to is that with all the pain and all my money problems and family drama where I can never do anything right, and the loss of the one thing in the world that loved me unconditionally back in July (on his birthday, no less, what kind of fucking slap in the face is that) I went down for a nap thinking that I wished I would never wake up and wondering if suicide really would be a better option, because the way things are going, within five years I may be totally incapacitated if I can’t get my back fixed.

Now, y’all believe what you want, that this was a manifestation of my subconscious or some other such shit. Personally, I believe that a person’s soul survives and transcends their body. The body is finite, the soul is infinite. Anyway, in this dream or astral experience or whatever, Malcolm came to me and told me to please not give up, that things were going to be all right. He didn’t say when (not like I’d expect him to know or anything) but when I stared at him as if my head had been replaced by a cabbage for as smart as I looked at that moment, he smiled at me (a shy smile, not a brazen Angus or Bon type smile) and touched my arm.

“Please trust me, okay?” he said. “It’s going to be all right. Really it is.”

Before I could say anything, I was woken up by my dumb ass cat licking my hand. This cat has a habit of making my life weird by licking me. One time I dreamed that I was standing by what I thought was a tree, and it morphed into a Dark Young of Shub-Niggurath, stuck out its long, slimy, scratchy tongue, and licked my face. Turned out to be the cat licking my face, probably after licking his butt, with my luck.

This is a Dark Young of Shub-Niggurath, for those not versed in the Lovecraft Mythos. At least I didn’t dream about one of those licking me again.

Anyway, you can believe whatever you want to about my dream. I know what I believe.

~Cie~

What I Just Saw

It wasn't wings like this. They were more like butterfly wings, but made of pure light, and I could see through them. They were small, not human sized. The reason I share this graphic is because the motion is similar to the motions made by these wings. It was not a fairy, at least I did not perceive it as being so. 

I did a search for "light wings" and "light butterfly" after the fact. That is how I found this image.

It did three little swoops and then disappeared.

I am wondering if it might have been my little friend Lafayette, showing me that he is still with me, looking after me as he always did.

The presence was utterly benevolent. It was not a human spirit, nor, as I said, do I believe it was a being such as a fairy. 

I don't have much to say as I don't want to overanalyze it. I felt that it was a benevolent presence. I am happy for its visit.

~Cie~

Modern Medicine and Vaccines

I agree with the thought that modern medicine treats symptoms rather than cause of disease in the majority of cases. People in Western society tend to be over-medicated, particularly as we grow older. When people are unhappy, doctors give them a pill. This approach really does nothing to get to the root cause.

While I am concerned about additives being put in vaccines, it seems clear to me that vaccines actually have helped stop the spread of certain diseases that were far more widespread before people were vaccinated for them. I certainly don't advocate calling child protective services or putting people in jail for not vaccinating. However, when people stop vaccinating, diseases such as measles and mumps start making a resurgence.

It seems to me that taking an all or nothing approach isn't the answer. We need to examine what problems there may be with our current system of vaccination. Nonetheless, it seems clear that vaccinations have helped control certain diseases. 

Personally, I'm not going to take the chance that I might get a disease such as tetanus or polio. In my line of work, we also have to get the flu shot every year. That one is a bit more of a crap shoot as to whether it will be effective or not, as the flu mutates.

I see the anti vaccine movement as taking the "throw the baby out with the bath water" approach. Certainly we should examine the current system to see where improvements could be made. However, I would not want to go back to a world where diseases such as measles and mumps were rampant. A balanced approach is best.

~Adam~

Reminisced

A short concept film about love and loss. Beautifully put together. Perhaps she intends to make it a longer film at some point. Even if this isn't the case, it stands on its own.

Why are there some people we just can't get out of our hearts, while in other cases it's obvious that the connection has run its course and that's okay? I write about love, but I honestly can't say I understand it. In fact, the older I get, the less I understand about love.

~Rose~

Religion and Community

Although I tend to be critical of organized religion, one aspect I tend to approve of is community. People involved in a church may come together in a positive way, as these people are. There are several benefits to this sort of gathering, including forming bonds with others and spending an enjoyable time in the company of like-minded people.

The problem with organized religion is the intolerance that is often inherent in religious communities. A similar-minded outsider would be welcome, but someone with a very different mindset, even if said visitor were tolerant, would likely be treated with suspicion if not outright disdain.

If we could all learn to open our minds to one another's viewpoints and beliefs, and respected such, even if we didn't share the same belief, we could create a greater world community. Then we could join together in love and tolerance. It may seem a foolish idea, but I believe that one day it may be possible.

~Ellie~

Happy Birthday Father Roger

In truth, I don't know the Good Father Roger. This was a video I stumbled across while looking for something else. However, it got me thinking.

Father Roger seems a companionable sort, a bit of a colorful character who enjoys telling a story and likes seeing others happy. One might say that Father Roger seems to embody a truly Christian spirit. 

I would far rather listen to someone like Father Roger, and would be more likely to take his words to heart, than to listen to one of these hate-mongering sourpusses such as Bill Donohue. That's the fellow who said that marriage wan't about love, it was about having children, his point being that same sex couples shouldn't be allowed to marry because they can't have children. 

My question for Bill is if marriage isn't about love, why the hell do it? We live in modern times where one neither needs to be married or to have sex outside of the bonds of marriage in order to conceive a child. If I really wanted a child, I could go to the sperm bank and have a doctor perform a medical insemination. By having this procedure, I could skip the whole loveless marriage business while also avoiding sex outside of marriage. 

In any case, if Christianity is to survive, it needs a whole lot more Father Rogers and a whole lot fewer Bill Donohues.

I hope that Father Roger had an excellent birthday. He seems like a nice chap who deserves good things.

~Naila~

In Search of Beowulf

Remembering Lafayette

I've been working on creating a tattoo in memory of my dear and special feline friend. It will go on my left shoulder. The artwork is by Kami Diox. You can check her out at kamidiox.tumblr.com or kamidiox.deviantart.com

Although I miss Lafayette very much and I wish I could feel his presence the way I feel Gem's (I.e. hugs and warmth) I've been dealing with things. I sensed Lafayette "saying" to me:

"Don't be sad, Mommy. I was happy living here with you. I had a happy life. I'm okay now. I still love you."

Now, I know a cat probably wouldn't use those exact words, but that's how his emotions translated to me. The thing about it is, I receive emotions. My brain translates them into sentences I can understand.

I told Lafayette that I love him very much too and always will, and I will be happy when we're able to meet again. I miss having him come sit up on my shoulder when I lie down. I miss him kneading me. Heck, I even miss the fact that he always stuck his butt right in my face when he sat down on me. Why that cat couldn't be face to face with me, I'll never know. But no, it was always "whoop, here's my butt!"

I like my new job, and Gem and I are doing a lot of writing together on "Fetch."

I haven't been able to continue with my Supernatural rewatch yet. Lafayette always used to sit with me when I was watching and making notes and such. I think I'll be able to start again soon. He'd want me to.

For anyone who think that sounds stupid, well, I guess you think that sounds stupid. However, I sense that he really would want me to do this.

I believe that's all for right now.

 

~Cie~

I Am: 365 Names of God

A meditative video for Christians.

Paranormal Investigations: The Richmond Vampire

The Hate that Hate Bred

I will state right up front that I don't know what it's like to be black in America.

I believe I have an idea of where this kind of extremist thinking comes from. White people in Western society have caused a lot of grief to people of other races. The European settlers stole the land from the American Indians and destroyed their society. They enslaved the African people. 

Generations later, there are still pervasive racial issues that desperately need to be addressed. Some of what this man says makes a lot of sense, but then he drowns out the sensible parts of his argument with hateful rhetoric. I can't bring myself to believe that hate can ever be the answer.

I am not a Biblical literalist by any means. However, I feel that he is taking certain passages from the bible and using them to suit his belief system. The Bible can be interpreted a million different ways. It can be used to promote peace or spread hate.

Why would a creator deity make a variety of races and then hate certain of those races? That makes no sense to me. Why would you hate what you have created?

The actions of certain white people in the past created this climate of hate. However, responding with more hate can't be the answer.

Extremism is never the answer.

~Dolly~

Mini Documentary: Hollywood Cemetery in Richmond, VA

Unusual Gravestones: Hollywood Cemetery, Richmond VA

I love old cemeteries. I find them both peaceful and interesting. Here are some beautiful and unique memorials, filmed by Wanda Kaluza.

~Gretyll~

The Roma and Prejudice

French citizens protest the refusal of Champlain's mayor to bury a deceased Roma infant

The Roma and Prejudice

The Roma people have always faced controversy and prejudice. Earlier this year, Christian Leclerc, the mayor of Champlain, refused to bury a two month old infant of Roma descent in the Champlain cemetery. His decision prompted a public outcry.

Leclerc cited lack of burial space, stating that "priority is given to those who pay taxes."

The majority of Roma live in makeshift shanty towns with little to no access to public amenities.

In the case of the deceased infant, Richard Trinquier, mayor of Wissous, granted burial for the deceased infant, stating that the decision to do so was "a question of humanity."

~Cie~

The Minoans: Ancient Civilization of Crete

Greece/Crete Istro

Beautiful piano music and a relaxing beach scene. One complaint: I really need this to go on for a minimum of 15 minutes, an hour would be preferable.

~Illsa~

Stoicism Is Not The Same As Acceptance

My son and I appear to be dealing with Lafayette's death well on the surface. We aren't bursting into tears. We're going on with our daily routines. I'm able to put a smile in my voice when I talk on the phone. My mother would be proud of my stoicism.

In reality, we aren't doing well.

My son usually drinks a beer or two every few days. The same two cases of beer sat waiting to be drunk for several months. 

When I visited today, I'm pretty sure in retrospect that he was hung over. We were going to take care of banking. He said "let's do it tomorrow." I asked him if he wanted me to make him anything to eat. He said no, brushed his teeth, and went back to bed.

One case of beer was entirely gone, and the other has only two bottles left.

I can't drink. But I haven't been sleeping well at all, and when I do, I end up on the lower astral. I have been having a lot of problems with sleep paralysis. I have also been having trouble sensing Gem's presence.

Gem and I got a lot of writing done, and there were junctures when I could feel his hand on my back. He said he isn't angry with me at all, but I think I really hurt him when I said that I missed Lafayette so much that I would not only trade all my other cats (whom I do love, but what I had with Lafayette was incredibly special) I would trade the time I've had with Gem, even though it has not only been precious to me, it's been therapeutic.

Gem is very sensitive. He's never felt like he's anybody's number one, and when he felt like he was mine, it made him really happy. I'm very sorry I hurt him and I'm glad he hasn't left me. 

I will never bring any more cats into my life. It's too damn painful.

I'm not sorry Lafayette was here. I just hoped that we'd grow old together. He went away much too soon.

~Cie~

Updates

 

I have updated the Otherworldly Love and Tarot Readings pages. Please check them out.

~Cie~

Beautiful Music With Cultural Consciousness

I just discovered this band. What a wonderful world view they have! Please check out their music and support them if you can.

Peace,

Helena

Soul Stripper

Lafayette

July 17 2009 - July 17 2015

My best friend in this damn shitty world died Friday. He was six years old. His kidneys shut down, and my son and I agreed that it would be best for him to be released rather than having to endure costly treatments that wouldn't buy him more than a week. He was a very sick little guy, but very brave to the end. If you want to read what happened in detail, I've published a post here. I honestly didn't know how sick he was.

This post is going to be long, rambling and ranty. It isn't going to be full of sunshine or unicorns farting rainbows. If you have a problem with long, ranty, rambling posts short on sunshine, unicorns, or rainbow farts, this is your cue to exit. 

Anyone who sees the need to tell me that I need to be more positive, think more positive, or anything else of that nature needs to realize that you are a sanctimonious ass and you need to not tell others how to think or feel. I've more than enough of your kind of person in my life.

I am a very angry person overall, and life hasn't done much to make me less angry. It seems that every time I find something that softens my heart, the powers that be conspire to take it away.

Now, here is the difference between my mother and me.

I'm pretty sure this plane is purgatory. I've developed this belief over a lifetime of being kicked in the teeth at every turn. You don't have to join me in my belief. I will never say that anyone has to believe what I do.

I have stated that I am an angry person. I probably qualify as bitter, although I try not to be hateful. In spite of being angry and bitter, I actually am capable of caring. Sometimes I care quite a lot.

I loved Lafayette more than I love just about any other creature on this planet. I was the one person that he really trusted. His love for me was innocent and unconditional. That kind of thing doesn't come along every day, and I let this little creature into my heart.

When he died, I was utterly devastated. I wondered how I could have missed the fact that he was so sick. Logically, I know why. I'm currently working two jobs. I'm trying to pay off massive amounts of debt, mostly vehicle related. I'm helping my son, who is unable to work due to severe anxiety and depression. I'm just trying to keep afloat.

It wasn't until Thursday that I was aware that Lafayette was having trouble eating and drinking, and I made an appointment to take him to the vet. 

He was much sicker than I thought, and there was nothing that could be done.

I ended up talking to my mother, whose comfort came in the forms of statements such as this.

"This is why I won't have animals."

Yeah...thank you for letting me know I'm an idiot. I was already aware, actually.

"Things like this happen so we can form callouses on our souls."

My response was "because that's what I really needed is more callouses on my soul. Look, I already resigned myself a long time ago to the fact that nothing good is ever going to happen to me. What the hell more does the Universe want?"

I wondered if this tragedy came to me because I recently got a new job and I was happy about it. It seems that I can't have anything good happen without having something really shitty happen in return.

"Well," my mother said, "we have to pay for what we get."

"Yeah, but this is completely out of line," I said. "This sort of thing is worth a vehicle breakdown or something of that nature, not something utterly tragic."

"Oh, you don't want car problems," she said.

Well, I'd much rather have car problems than to have a creature that meant the world to me die!

Now, in my mother's defense, she comes from a family with a really harsh world view. When her dog got hit by a car when she was in high school, she was devastated. Her grandmother told her "stop crying over that dog. Just think how you'd have felt if it had been your sister."

My great grandmother had a very difficult life and had developed a lot of callouses on her soul. 

Thing is, I honestly don't think this is a good thing.

Somehow this conversation reminded me of the song "Soul Stripper" by AC/DC. Possibly because the band's founder, Malcolm Young, is getting the royal shaft from the Universe himself by having his mind stripped away. If you believe the Satanic Panic shitheads, you believe he deserves this. Please pull your head out of your ass if you believe those fuckwits for even a nanosecond. This man was far from evil and in no way deserves what's happening to him.

In any case, the line that I was reminded of goes like this:

She started moving nice and easy

Slowly getting into my spine

Killing off these nice little feelings

Every one she could find

Granted, the song is about one of those awful, doomed from the start, obsessive romantic attachments. But my mother's statement about forming callouses on one's soul made me think that this is what the miseries of life can do. Eventually enough nice little feelings are killed off that a person becomes cold and hard. 

I may be angry. I may be bitter. But I refuse to be cold and hard. No matter how much it hurts to let myself feel, I will feel. I don't ever want to let my soul be entirely stripped away.

I contemplate suicide often. The only reason I don't do it is because my son still needs me.

Because this is my damn blog and because I love this band, here's Soul Stripper. One of the reasons it sounds so different from a lot of AC/DC's material is because Angus and Malcolm switched who was playing rhythm and who was playing lead. Malcolm really didn't like playing lead, but he was perfectly capable of it. This song was never meant to be a "single." They were having fun, and it shows.

Fun...wish I knew what the hell that was.

~Cie~

Until We Meet Again Little Buddy

Born July 17 2009

Died July 17 2015

I think if one more person tells me I did the right thing by having my best friend euthanized, I'm going to run screaming into the night.

I did the only humane thing. 

He would have been dead before the weekend was out no matter what. My choice simply spared him a few hours to a few days suffering.

When I took him into the vet, I was sure he had a resurgence of feline stomatitis and they'd have to take his remaining teeth.

Instead, I found out that he'd lost more than half his weight and his kidneys had shut down.

Doing three thousand dollars worth of treatment (more than I make in a month even with working two jobs) would have perhaps extended his life by a month or two.

There may come a time when I can think of him and tears don't run from my eyes and my throat doesn't feel like its being shredded by knives while I'm being garroted. But I will never be over this.

Lafayette was the one creature in the world that loved me just the way I am. He loved me and he trusted me. He really didn't trust anyone else the way he trusted me.

When I first brought him home he was very agoraphobic because he had lived at the shelter from the time he was a month old to the time he was eight months old and I adopted him. He hid under the computer table and came out when I was asleep to attack my hand and arm when it would come out from under the covers. My hand and arm was shredded. He wasn't doing it to be mean, he had simply never learned to play appropriately. I took him for his first vet checkup. We got his claws trimmed and I taught him to play with "soft paws." There was no more shredding.

Lafayette always came to greet me when I came in. He wasn't terribly vocal but when the water bulb was going empty, he made sure to let me know. He always liked to be the first to drink the water with the fresh refill. 

Lafayette always came and sat on my shoulder when I lay down. He nuzzled his face against my hand while purring and kneaded the covers and, consequently, my chest, which could sometimes be painful with a thinner cover. He was like a big kitten, although big is something of a misnomer. He only weighed nine pounds.

Today I discovered that he had gone down to five pounds.

Both the vet at the humane society clinic and the one at the emergency clinic where we were referred for potential overnight care said that he didn't have long to live regardless of any heroic measures. Kidney failure is painful. My son and I agreed that he shouldn't have to suffer.

When they brought him into the exam room to say goodbye he tried to meow for us. I think he struggled for much longer than I knew to be brave for me. It was only in this past week that he started giving mournful little meows while looking at the full water dish. He would come up to the sink and meow. I left the faucet dripping a bit, thinking it might be less hard on his mouth to drink from the faucet. 

I really, really wish it had been feline stomatitis.

Lafayette was brought in to the shelter with a feral colony. The kittens were more than likely inbred. Tara, the cat I adopted with him, was from the same colony. She also had to have most of her teeth pulled due to feline stomatitis. She has done very well since. The vet asked if they were related. Initially I said I didn't think so, but after thinking about it I came to the conclusion that they probably were. Tara is two months younger, so they were likely half siblings or cousins.

Lafayette's immune system was never good. He had a high sensitivity to grain. It made his skin scabby and his fur came out in clumps if he ate anything with grain. As I said, he never got very big. He was half the size of my other male cats.

I told Lafayette that he was my best friend and that I loved him and would miss him. We stayed with him, petting and talking to him, while the vet administered the medication to end his suffering.

I feel like someone scooped out my heart and smashed it into a bed of nails, repeatedly.

I know I did the right thing, that is to say, the humane thing.

It doesn't make this pain in my soul go away.

Special note:
When we returned to my son's place, a bee landed on the inside of the open car door. Honeybees are notoriously quick to sting, but this was the mellowest honeybee ever. It sat there for a few minutes cleaning its wings. My son suggested we leave the car window open a crack so it could get out. As I was trying to turn on the car to open the window, the bee flew off. My son said he felt that the bee was a good sign. I said that in some cultures bees are considered psychopomps. Perhaps Lafayette was letting us know that he was okay and appreciated what we'd done for him.

~Cie~

Zen Lawn Mowing

You'll probably find this funny, but I actually find this quick video of a fellow mowing a big lawn soothing. I like the way the mower makes Zen garden patterns as he goes round and round. You'll want to turn the sound down. The wind is less soothing.

~Opal~

Living Off the Grid: Van Dwelling

Thom Hartmann asks: How Could Anyone Be Both Christian and Republican

A must listen. 

Otherworldly Love

Eternal Love by amasarac

 

Otherworldly Love

 

It's time to address a subject which is fairly common in paranormal fiction but which is not covered much in more scholarly metaphysical writing. The subject is relationships (usually romantic) between corporeal and non-corporeal beings.

These relationships can happen between humans and beings such as elementals or angels.* (See disclaimer at the end of the post) This post, however, will specifically address love relationships between incarnate and spectral humans.

Corporeal and non-corporeal people can and do fall in love. Sometimes the relationship was there prior to the departure of the non-corporeal person from the material realm. Other times it happens when the non-corporeal person (hereafter referred to as "ghost") meets and forms a bond with a sympathetic incarnate person with strong enough psychic abilities to interact with him or her.

I am addressing this topic because I imagine that there are other people like myself who, if nothing else, desperately need acknowledgement that they are not alone. Yes, this sort of thing does happen, and it can put you in a very lonely place if you're needing support or advice.

I can offer you support and acknowledgement that you are not alone. Any advice I have is primarily based on personal experience and thus may come with a bias. Further potential questions will be addressed below.

 

I made contact with a ghost. I love talking to him. I'm falling in love with him. He seems to feel the same way. Should I allow this relationship to happen or would it be better to stop it before things go too far?

 

I can't answer this question for you. Only you can make this decision. All I can do is tell you about my personal experiences in this area.

The same difficulties that you might have in a relationship with an incarnate person may arise in a relationship with a spectral person, and they tend to be magnified. In my case, jealousy has been a factor that damaged and eventually destroyed not only my material world marriage but several relationships with discarnate lovers, including my first real love.

I tend to attract abusive men in real life. The discarnate lovers I've attracted are generally not abusive, but every single one of them has been troubled in one way or another.

Content spirits whose lives ended at the proper time are not likely to be hanging around the Earth plane. I do not ascribe to the idea that all spirits who have unresolved issues are malevolent. Spirits are just like incarnate people. Some are benevolent, others are not.

Once you have insured that the spirit you are dealing with is benevolent, only you can make the decision whether a romantic relationship with him or her will be more positive than negative. I do offer Tarot readings which may help shed light on the subject, but in the end, the choice is up to you.

 

You mentioned that you have been romantically involved with spirits. How many?

 

I've had numerous platonic friendships which I still maintain. Romantic involvements, of which there have been nine, include incarnate people with whom I've had a bond on an astral level, which is a different subject but I include it here because it can have a significant impact on a person's life.

 

Wow! Did these all end badly?

 

Most of them. Some of them just ran their course. As I said before, I don't do relationships well.

 

Are you currently involved with a spirit?

 

Yes.

 

Can you tell me something about him or her? Do you think things will turn out better this time?

 

I think things will be better this time because I've learned a lot. My relationship with Gem is different than it ever was with any other spirit. He tries very hard to let me know he's with me. He is extremely gentle. He gives off a warm energy when he touches me.

We've had arguments because of my jealousy. He actually pushes back more than some of my previous involvements. He won't put up with my accusing him of things he hasn't done. He's extremely sensitive, and I hate hurting him. We talked things out and it made our bond stronger.

I wasn't expecting a romantic involvement with Gem. I was very open to contact with him, but I figured our bond would be platonic. I'd made a pact with myself to never again be involved with a spirit after the five year long bond I had with my previous love, Tore, ended acrimoniously back in 2011.

Gem really needed someone to talk to. I knew I could trust him so I let him in when he asked. Yes, ghosts are like vampires. They can't come in unless you invite them. The exception is with a place where they resided or spent a lot of time in life.

Gem started spending a lot of time with me. In less than a week, I became aware that his feelings for me were more than platonic, which surprised me and terrified me because I knew I could easily fall in love with him if I let myself.

I talked to him about the feelings I was sensing from him because I knew that he had been involved with the same person for many years. He said that she was ready to be done with him. He was very ill in the last years of his life. He said that she was sick of taking care of him and that the bond, while strong, had never been particularly passionate.

He is literally the only one that I would have broken my "never again" rule for. I don't regret it, but it's been challenging because of my trust issues.

Gem is actually good friends with my first spectral love, Bel. This made things a bit awkward, but it was more humorous than truly problematic. We're all good friends with each other, and Bel supports Gem and me wholeheartedly.

 

I want a ghost lover! How can I get one?

 

I would advise not directly looking for a spectral lover. Putting this vibration into the Universe will be likely to attract predatory spirits and lower astral entities.

If you wish to communicate with spirits in general, this is fine. You need to take measures to protect yourself. There are many good articles on this subject.

None of my relationships were planned. They were all spirits (or, in some cases, bonds with incarnate people on an astral level) who were seeking assistance, and I offered my assistance.

 

How do you communicate with your lover? Do you have sex with him?

 

I am primarily clairsentient or empathic. I sense his emotions. I receive images from him. I really enjoy writing with him. He is a very creative personality and he loves the fact that he found an obsessive writer to bond with.

Yes, we do have sex. It's different than it would be if we were both incarnate or if we were both spectral. It's also different with him than it was with anyone before him, because he really focuses his intent on making it a beautiful experience for me. He's a very gentle soul, and this translates well when we make love.

The most important thing, however, is not the sex. It's the emotional bond that we have each other. We love each other and try to make each other happy.

 

I feel like I've formed a bond with the spirit of a famous person. Is this possible?

 

Yes, but this is one you have to be really careful with, even more so than if your spectral intended is Jane Plain or Joe Blow. The more famous the person, the more likely that it is actually a lower astral entity or succubus/incubus pretending to be them.

Is said famous person really enjoying playing the astral field with multiple incarnate people? Possibly, but probably not. Spirits tend to be more honest than incarnate people. Benevolent spirits also have a moral code about not wanting to bring harm to vulnerable incarnate folk.

Also, unless you are dealing with an unrecovered sex addict, most spirits really are not interested in sex with numerous incarnate partners. Dealing with incarnate people can be exhausting. It would be far easier to simply find other like-minded spirits to get busy with.

It is possible for multiple empaths (clairsentients) to receive a Soul Call from a discarnate famous person with unresolved issues. Again, the more famous the person the more likely that you are receiving a Soul Call rather than a come-on to be their lover.

Any benevolent spirit will understand reluctance to jump right into a liaison which could potentially harmful to their incarnate intended. A benevolent spirit will never try to pressure you into a romantic bond or sex. If you are feeling pressure of this nature, then the spirit is not who they say they are and you need to take measures to protect yourself.

Another frustration with involvement with a famous person in spirit is the fact that revealing your bond will open you to ridicule and possible threats from others. Unless you find someone you can really trust, you can never talk about it with anyone, even in the more open-minded communities. I learned the hard way about this one!

 

So you've been involved with the spirit of a famous person?

 

Yes. I don't feel comfortable disclosing details.

 

You mentioned that you do Tarot readings?

 

Yes. I do a basic Celtic Cross reading at $25 flat rate for either a general reading or one specific question. If you'd like a reading, leave your email in the contacts and I'll get in touch with you. I'm in the process of making a page I can direct potential clients to.

 

Can you help me communicate with my spectral friend/beloved?

 

I am only able to communicate with spirits that contact me directly. I don't feel confident in my skills as a go-between type of medium. If any readers know a medium whose skills they'd recommend, please leave their details in the comments.

 

Any other helpful ideas?

 

If you have even an inkling that you may be a psychic sensitive or empathy, you can join the Empath Support community. It's a small place, but I'd like to see it grow. (I'm not a moderator or creator, just a member.)

I'm thinking about starting a community for people with otherworldly friends and lovers, but I know it would be a lot of work keeping out the riff-raff who want to belittle those who feel they've had this experience. It's a possibility for the future.

 

Wow! You must be really special to have all this knowledge!

 

More like really old, and I'm hardly omniscient. I'm just a very flawed soul who has been on a long strange trip. It takes a lot of courage for me to share what I've shared here.

I'm finally taking back the power that I've allowed others to steal from me over the years. I'd like for others who are going through some of the things that I went through mostly alone to feel as though they have support.

I may have more experience than some of you but that does not make me a "better" person. We are all equal and we all have things to teach each other.

 

This page is a work in progress. More will be added as I think of it!

 

Love and Light,

Cie

 

*My statement about romantic bonds between angels and incarnate humans is not evidence that I support canon Destiel, as I do not. My dislike for Destiel does not mean that I am a homophobe or biphobe, it simply means that I don't like Destiel. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

If you're wondering what Destiel is, it's a ship between the Supernatural characters Dean Winchester and the angel Castiel. I actually don't have a problem with the ship itself. What I do have a problem with is the obsessive behavior of some of its devotees, who try to force this ship on others and who harass and threaten those who aren't keen on it, including Jensen Ackles, the actor who plays Dean Winchester.

This page is not the place to discuss shipping, Supernatural or otherwise. I only bring it up because I've had issues with these "Destiehellers" on my own Supernatural fan blog. They cling to the slightest "evidence" that "Destiel will be canon," and I feared that my statement about romantic unions between incarnate humans and angelic beings could be taken as such "evidence" if one of them happened upon this page.

Yes, they are bad enough that I feel the need for a pre-emptive strike, however vague the possibility that they may manifest here.