Remember

I remember you, Dad

Today, on what would have been your 81st birthday

And every day

Happy birthday on the other side

Love today and always

~Cie~

I'm hoping to get permission from the creator of the above ribbon to be allowed to use the design as a tattoo.

Confucius

Spongebob: FIRMLY GRASP IT

We've all known people like Patrick Star.

These people aren't deliberately malicious, but they nonetheless cause pain to others by insisting that things must go a certain way. They are inflexible and unobservant regarding other people's abilities to perform certain actions or tasks or the fact that other people have different beliefs than they do. It is their way or the highway.
These are the kinds of people who feel that their belief system is the only way to truth and insist upon such outmoded ideas as "men are men and women are women, and marriage is only valid between a man and a woman."
These are the kinds of people who believe that a person can "pray away the gay" and that mental illness is caused by demons.
These are the kinds of people who think that those who are poor are poor because they are lazy and that all anyone needs to do is pull themselves up by their bootstraps.
These are the kinds of people who are dead certain that anyone who isn't fashionably thin is just lazy and is certainly "overeating" at every opportunity.
"Patrick Stars" are generally concern trolls.
"Patrick Stars" think that they are always right.

"Patrick Stars" can't be taught. 

Don't end up discouraged because of the inflexibility and insensitivity of a "Patrick Star".

~Faycin~

Carlos Nakai: Earth Spirit

Woow Please Kindly Rate 1 to 10 This Music Y Page For More

The New Atheists

This is the second chapter previously seen on my personal blog. Again this piece has been amended, far more so than the last, as time, temperament and tolerance learned have prevailed and my thoughts and opinions changed...

"The Great Spirit is not perfect: it has a good side and a bad side. Sometimes the bad side gives us more knowledge than the good side." - Lakota (Sioux)

I am not an atheist for to be atheist one must forget the rules of science. There is neither proof  there isn't a God anymore then there is proof there isn't. This leaves only two options - theism or agnosticism.  As far as I am concerned atheism is nothing but a reaction to the perceived evils of religion. Atheism rejects faith then neglects spirituality. Having one does not mean you need the other. Spirituality is a quest for truth that seeks to learn the link between humankind and what some see as godhead. Religion, and by that I mean organised faith, is an autocratic state controlled by men who seek power and, control. I have friends who practice what they preach in the quiet of their minds. They do not need those who would instill their own doctrine, who would dictate their dogma onto others that require a direct audience with the deity of their choice. Organised religion has nothing to do with faith but everything to do with power. Power corrupts. There is nothing so corrupt as a church whose only desire is to control those it ensnares with its dogma, its ritual, its arrogance and its manipulation of history. 

We see this abuse daily here in the UK. We see it wherever there is Church and State. It is wrong on that be assured. What need is there for faith teachings in school? The moral imperative lies not within the dogma of faith but within the fabric of humanity. It is the single one principle that defines mankind making it different from its fellow animals. Our codes and morals are older than gods they are part of what it is to be human.

We do not need, any more than those who believe in Yahweh, Jehovah or Allah, Rabbis, Popes or Imams. We do not need or require those to interpret God's words, to tell us what God is or isn't thinking. Books that have been written in languages both vague and historic are dated and fallible and more relevantly exaggerated. God is love. God is peace. God abhors violence. If any such book as retold by leaders of religion advocates anyone to break this code, this Golden Rule, then you can be certain that they or it are acting out of self-interest. It has nothing to do with God.

Having said that it would be equally foolish to attribute all the world's evils to religion. It would be wholly unjust. Not all that mankind has done can be laid at the doors of religion. Much can, though, and it is recent events, namely 9/11 and seeing fundamental Muslim's enacting their perverse justice that has given rise to Neo-Atheism. That group only presents part of the truth. It is the whole truth we need.

"The truth which makes men free is for the most part

the truth which men prefer not to hear.” - Herbert Agar

Having faith as a personal choice rather than a church led mechanism is fine. No one has the right to ridicule another their beliefs.

When Richard Dawkins published his rather beautiful 'The God Delusion' it dealt, in no small part with the Old Testament a book, if taken literally, reveals God to be short one crumb his cake.

“The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.” - Richard Dawkins

There is nothing particularly shocking in that statement to any sane person who has read that work assuming, as did I and it has to be said a great many fundamentalists, that this was the word of God in actuality. It isn't. That is something I shall return to later in these posts.

New Atheism has sprung out of acts of violence enacted on innocent people since the horrors of 9/11. It is the rational man and woman's response to those events. That said, there is still that matter of taking literally that which isn't literal.

There is a poetry that exists by which man recognises his place in the eternal, and by that I mean the thing that is greater than all of us yet conversely of which we are a part. You only have to look outside your window to see the truth of this statement. Look at the sky, the bend of the horizon, the way stars, millions of years old speed light to us that are thousands of years past. The way a tree rakes its branches against the sky, the way the ocean laps at the shore, the way the wind blows, the rain falls, the fact that size is only a matter of perspective and time a construct of humankind. 

New Atheists confine themselves to science which is nothing more than a tool that we use to enable us to understand the eternal.thereby understanding our place within that vastness. New Atheism and even Humanism are nothing but another organised faction much like the organised religions they seek to remove from the lives of humanity. Why overturn one system only to replace it with another? Better surely to take the path Jiddu Krishnamurti spoke of by thinking for ourselves for how on earth can you organise that which is so personal to each and every human? 

Atheism is a sanguine act of aggression. It promotes and supports change without recognising the spirituality inherent in humankind. It enables not just clear, logical thinking which we need but encourages others to vocalise and then support their words with a robust posture which could, which might lead to acts of outrage and ultimately violence.

"As soon as you concern yourself with the 'good' and 'bad' of your fellows, you create an opening in your heart for maliciousness to enter. Testing, competing with, and criticising others weaken and defeat you." - Morihei Ueshiba

All and any form of violence, unless it is self-defense is wrong. We can, and sometimes we must protest our dislike for any one given thing. It might be political, it might be sexual, the one thing it can never be is violent. The act of violence negates all protest. If we want change, and I for one do, the only way to see that happen is by pacifist means. And yet, having said that had there been no division in the first place there could be no conflict.

I have expressed a dislike for religion, some would frame it as being organised religion. I see all Monotheism as being organised. I am not so confident when it comes to Jainism or Taoism and certainly not Buddhism. They are, by and large, verbal traditions more philosophical than religious By principle, their practices are passed down mouth to mouth. There are few doctrinal documents that preach anything but love, sex and co-existing with others. There are no sets of instructions on what to do if you meet humans of different persuasions. No one is encouraged to stone or decapitate anyone.

Humanism is nothing but another form of organised religion. It's adherents, supposedly free of the shackles of faith, give great store instead to science. They worship it the way those of faith worship a deity. Science, fun to learn at times, is but a tool by which we understand life, the universe and thereby that which some call God. The word is not the thing it is only a projection of what those of faith believe to true. For those like me, and there are a great many, the word is best defined as that which is unnameable. I would call it Tao. Slowly we are understanding more about ourselves, the stars, the tides and our place within the great vastness. That is not the poetry I spoke of. As I said, it is just a tool.

I welcome these authors, these so-called New atheists. I enjoy the wisdom they share in their books. I like their irrefutable logic. What I do not like is their oversight of humankind's natural seeking of belonging. What was once mysterious is still remarkable. Knowing is not a reductive process. Showing us the mechanics of how some call God works does not reveal why we feel connectivity not only to each other but our fellow animals and much, much more. The creative and the absurd are our ways, our spiritual overtones to that Great Spirit, that thing that we are part of and yet which we still find remarkable, amazing and beautiful no matter how much we learn. Call it God, call it what you will, it still amazes, it still enthrals, it still invites our celebration of not only IT but also ourselves. At the end of the day is one not the same as the other?

By having, or forming New Atheism or Humanism all, you are doing is starting yet another unnecessary group. It will have its own agendas. They may start out benignly only for someone to reshape them into something other than that which they first were. For example, a right-wing thinker who detests Islam or  Christian Evangelicals and who then, upon seeing one of those groups perform what he sees as a sinful, corrupt act of violence, suggests that his group should retaliate. This is wrong. It is perfectly legitimate to defend a principle, to suggest a peaceful solution but the peaceful solution would not need to be sought if you didn't have groups which can only ever create division.

I see these stances being taken all the time. This is not helpful. Nor is it helpful to have Theism or Atheism. They cause people to defend their corners when there are no corners to defend only smooth curves.

"A human being is part of a whole, called by us the 'universe', a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affectation for a few people near us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." - Albert Einstein

Bull God Of The Bible P1.avi

The Cheese Grates It: Is it PTSD with a Side of Depression, or Depression with a Side Order of PTSD?

Whether you believe in the metaphysical or not doesn't matter here.

A Tarot reading helped me realize what's been going on with me the past month.

That reading can be found here.

http://teamnetherworldsstrandsofeternity.blogspot.com/2017/05/trials-and-tribulations-mostly-on-me.html

I always felt that the Tarot could be used as a tool to help others, regardless of a belief in the esoteric. I once had the idea to get a degree in psychology and become a counselor using the Tarot as an instrument of discovery. That is highly unlikely to happen in this lifetime. However, that isn't what I came here to talk about.

I came here to talk about PTSD and depression.

I don't adjust well to change, especially unexpected negative change.

When I got fired from my job with the agency I'd worked with as a homecare nurse for close to two years, it really took a toll on me. On the surface, I accepted it well. I didn't cry. However, stoicism is not the same thing as actual acceptance. Internally, I was filled with self-loathing. My suicide ideation was extremely high.

Fortunately, I wasn't out of work for long. The agency I'd been picking up PRN cases with put me on full-time.

Things went okay for about six weeks. Then the patient I was caring for went to the hospital.

I didn't get a new case. I was without work for nearly a month. Then, to add insult to injury, the nice car (one of only four nice cars I've owned in my entire lifetime) was damaged in the hail storm that hit the Denver area on May 8. 

I felt done. I felt worthless. I felt like I was shit in the eyes of the Universe.

I wanted to stop taking all my medications and just allow myself to die. The fact that I'm an insulin dependent diabetic makes this a pretty realistic way to commit suicide.

I've found that I can bolster myself with my writing if I'm strictly experiencing a depressive episode. When PTSD comes into play, something else happens. 

I have trouble writing.

I don't feel like I deserve to write.

I find myself asking "what the hell difference does this fluff I'm creating make?"

This happened to me back in 2013 when the flooding hit Boulder. I was working at a retirement community there. While driving to work, a wall of water struck the side of my car. I was able to stay on the road, but by the time I got to the facility, I was shaking badly. I went and took a shower before reporting in. I don't know how long I was in there, but I stood in there until the storm knocked the transformers out.

I had trouble writing for around a month after that. Part of me was saying "you nearly lost your life, you moron! What the hell is this wittering you do worth?"

Another part of me felt survivor guilt. A lot of people lost their property during that flood. Some lost their lives. In the area where I live, it was only a heavy rain that hit. I evidently survived that damn wave hitting my car.

Losing my job earlier this year socked it to me. Not working for a month has taken a toll. Having my car damaged the way it was by the hail is not irreparable damage, but it may have brought back emotions from what I experienced in the flood.

In any case, doing the Tarot reading helped me examine what's going on with me. 

PTSD and depression are socking it to me. I'm not entirely sure what to do, but at least now I know, and you know what they say--knowing is half the battle.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

Changes

This blog has morphed into much more a place for philosophical, sociopolitical, and general spiritual beliefs rather than discussions of things, esoteric, haunted, and spectral. 

Therefore, in the future, any discussion of such matters as divination or ghosts can be found at teamnetherworldsstrandsofeternity.blogspot.com

~Cie~

Mind and Body

The Cheese Grates It: On Disgusting Tabloids and Size Shaming

TRIGGER WARNING: DIET TALK

The other day I was at the store and saw one of those icky tabloids featuring a picture of Kirstie Alley eating an ice cream cone, proclaiming that "250 Lb Kirstie is eating herself to death!!!!111!!!!"

First of all, I would love it if everyone in the world, to a person, refused to purchase these rags ever again. They aren't even worthy to use as toilet paper. They tear too easily, and it would be damn uncomfortable to wipe with them. I wouldn't even use them for cage liner for a bird. Their ink is probably toxic.

Second, diets do not work long-term. Kirstie is living proof of that. The majority of people who lose weight through a diet gain it back and then some. I had to stop dieting so I wouldn't get heavier.

Third, the majority of fat people do not eat more than their thinner counterparts. This is a fallacy. We are simply programmed to store more of what we eat as fat than our thinner counterparts.

I am bigger than Kirstie is, and I am not at death's door. If I were to eat an ice cream cone, it would not put me at death's door. Yes, even though I'm diabetic, my diabetes is reasonably well controlled. I can eat ice cream if I want to. It wouldn't be a good thing if that were all I ate, but that wouldn't be a healthy diet regardless of my size.

Unless Kirstie has a deadly allergy to ice cream, she is not "eating herself to death."

Kirstie simply has a body that is programmed to maximize its fat stores. The yo-yo dieting she engages in because of the self-loathing she feels for her body is far worse for her than ice cream or anything else she may eat.

The toxic tabloids and societal size shaming are far uglier than the perceived ugliness of fat people's bodies.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

Dexy's Midnight Runners -And Yes We Must Remain The Wildhearted Outsiders

Hello, Friends, I'm Marc. Marc Bates. Some call me Master. Nudge nudge wink wink, say no more!

 As I brush the dust from myself as I have brushed the dust from this song, I come back to the light of day after close to 10 years in the darkest night of the soul. The day I last dreamed, the day I last truly participated in life was November 14 2008.
Dear friends, we are the wildhearted outsiders in this world, and when we try to deny that, we begin to die. My body lived, but I was dead inside. I used pills--legal pills, the ones that doctors gave me--to keep me from thinking and feeling. I am ready to be here now.
Thanks to all who never gave up on me, but especially thanks to my cousin Wanda, who has always been like a big sister to me. Also, special thanks to our good friend Cie. You are a unique and beautiful soul. Never forget that.

I know it's a struggle to be different, to be the square peg. I do. I spent a lot of years hiding my self loathing with street drugs and fucking way too many different guys, sometimes several at once, you know. At first I thought it made me special but I realized too quick that I wasn't special, I was just a hole, and any hole would do.

After I got sick, I spent a lot of years taking the pills the doctors gave me to stop me from thinking.

I am sorry if my words seem crude to some of you. I accepted the invitation to start writing again, to tell my story, to keep it real. I'm not ready to give the details yet, but this is who I am and what I've been through.

I love this song and this great group that has been forgotten with time. I'm playing this album today and I'm letting myself remember what has happened without judging myself, and I am trying to make a better future. 

I don't think I'm an accident or a mistake. I think maybe I'm here for a reason, even if I haven't quite figured it out again.

Thank you again to those who agreed to have me here. I truly appreciate it. I will try to make it a good experience for all of you and to support you as you support me.

With love always from Marc

Andrew Peterson - I Want To Say I'm Sorry (Official Lyric Video)

The Cheese Grates It: I.B. Ventin

I think my new pen name should be I.B. Ventin.

In any case, I.B. Ventin' now.

Truth be told, with all the fuckery with these medical conditions and medications, plus the general stress of my life, if it weren't for the fact that stopping taking the medications would leave me incapacitated rather than dead, I'd stop taking them.

I don't want to become non-functional.

I don't want to become a burden.

I'm not afraid of being dead.

There are a lot of moments when I'd welcome it. I wouldn't fight it.

Death is not the worst thing that can happen to a person.

Being unable to function is.

Fuck my lousy piece of shit endocrine system and my warped brain straight to hell.

The Cheese Hath Grated It

The Cheese Grates the TMI Tuesday Challenge

This week's TMI Tuesday has some horrifying questions that I will answer truthfully and boringly. 

1. If you and your significant other played “sexual truth or dare” with other couples, would you rather watch your s.o. have sex with someone or would you prefer having sex with someone in front of your s.o.?

How about neither one would ever happen.

 2. Would you rather watch your favorite porn with your sibling or read your favorite sexy erotica out loud to your parent(s)?

I don't have any favorite porn, but my sibling and I once watched a scene from a porno on a dare. I was 18 and he was 14. We then went back to playing board games.
My father is no longer in the land of the living, and I wouldn't read anything I'd written to my mother, let alone anything sexy. She isn't terribly supportive of my creative pursuits.

 3. To get sexually aroused, would you rather watch girl on girl porn or guy on guy porn?

Actually, this one is easy. Guy on guy. However, I don't really care to watch porn at this juncture in my life.

 4. Would you rather have sex with your boss, in an office conference room or masturbate at home knowing that your neighbor is watching?

I'm not into my boss or my neighbor that way.

 5. Based on your current mood, would you rather try out new and kinky sex ideas or have romantic sex?

Romantic sex. It should be pretty obvious from my answers to the previous questions that I'm Very Vanilla.

See what you did? You shocked and appalled these poor guys with your questions.

Bonus: Would you rather have three kids and no money or no kids with three million dollars?

Three kids and no money, but only because I wouldn't want the one kid I actually do have to be gone. My other two kids would be cats.

————

Happy TMI Tuesday!

The Cheese Hath Grated It

Why Long Work Hours Don’t Work for People or the Planet @alternet

Why Long Work Hours Don’t Work for People or the Planet @alternet: Our endless cycle of toil and consumerism increases stress and depletes the Earth's resources. It's time to consider a better way to work. In 1926, U.S. automaker Henry Ford reduced his employees’ workweek from six eight-hour days to five, with no pay cuts. It’s something workers and labour unions had been calling for, and it followed previous reductions in work schedules that had been as high as 84 to 100 hours over seven days a week.

I prefer working three twelve hour shifts to working five eight-hour shifts. I've never done well with a five-day work week.

Better than I - lyrics

Abundance

Nixiwaka Yawanawa

How to Spot Childhood Emotional Neglect in a Loved One

How to Spot Childhood Emotional Neglect in a Loved One: Legions of wonderful people are walking around the planet with no idea that they grew up emotionally neglected. They give, they care for others, and they try to feel that they belong. Or, sometimes, they simply try to feel something. But alas, too often,...

The Cheese Grates It: Just Say No to Bob Harper's Bullshit to Live a Happier Life

Here's how to reduce your stress levels immediately:

Stop believing bullshit like this or caring what assholes like Bob think

By the way, my name for this photo is "Fuck You Bob Harper."

1. Bitch, I drink water all the time, when I want to drink water. Anyone who says "no excuses" to me is looking for a punch in the face.

2. I'll drink whatever I want. Sometimes it has calories, sometimes not.

3. Well, Bob, regardless of what I've eaten, you make me grouchy, but you also ruins my appetite. So, I suppose if one wants to restrict their food intake, seeing Bob will help you do that.

4. Whatever, Bob. I often eat whole grains, but sometimes what I eat is refined. It's none of your damn business.

5. And poop your brains out

6. Nice classism there, Buttface. Some people can't afford to buy teh fresh froots and veggiez.

7. BITE ME!

8. Yeah, I do that. First, because I don't want to eat things containing MSG. Second, because I'm diabetic and I want to use my carb allotment semi-wisely. I'm not going to risk blurred vision and wanting to sleep all day on drinking a Coke when I don't like Coke that much.

9. I will eat what I want to eat and how much of it I want until I am satisfied. Go away.

10. If it tastes better with a little added sweetener, add it.

11. I will eat whatever potatoes I want, white potatoes included.

12. I generally do, not that it's any of your business.

13. Why don't I get rid of you and others who think like you instead? It would make me happier.

14. If you eat breakfast, that's a real breakfast. If you didn't eat breakfast, that's none of my business or Bob's either.

15. I make my own food when I can. When I can't, I don't.

16. Different people have different needs. A low sodium diet is not appropriate for everybody. If Bob is your nutritionist--well, honestly, I suggest finding another nutritionist.

17. Eat the vegetables you like. Don't eat the ones you don't like. Your dietary choices are none of Bob's business.

18. What the ever loving fuckity fuck? If I go to bed hungry, all I think about is eating, and then I--get ready for this--DO NOT SLEEP WELL! What the hell kind of horseshit suggestion is this?

19. Well, that couldn't be more nebulous if it tried. What the exact fuck do you mean by "sleep right?" Here's a story that's sad but true. I have problems with sleep paralysis. It tends to be more likely to happen if I sleep on my back. I fell asleep on my back and had an episode of sleep paralysis. My son had to wake me up twice. I guess I wasn't sleeping right, and I should be punished for that.

20. Oh, hey, there's a great idea. Let's promote disordered eating by encouraging people to engage in a deprivation/binge cycle. That's called "bulimia", Bob. It isn't healthy. Moron.

Here's my addition to the list.

21. Don't listen to jerks like Bob. You will be far happier.

Another wise soul had a suggestion for being thin: be born with DNA that prompts you to have a thin body type. That one works every time.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

Lao Tzu - Tao

Normal Norman

I am normal

Normal I am

I take no chances

I am a normal man.

I am normal by daylight

Normal by night

I take no risks

I do everything right.

Judge me by all means

I trust to my fate

I take no shortcuts

I am never late.

No cuffs on my pants

No buttons on my shirt

My underwear's clean

No stains on my skirt.

I am normal

Normal I am

Strung like a cello

Tight as a clam.

The Cheese Grates It: The Push For "Normal"

This is a response to a post by Russell Duffy about a journey which included dealing with depression and therapy.

https://fishywords.blogspot.com/2017/04/depression-then-and-now.html

Many a person, both licensed and unlicensed, has told me that my mental health issues require me to be medicated and that I am a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad crazy person for refusing to be so.

I'm not saying that medications never help anybody. However, for many people, the cure is worse than the problem.

I can't, for instance, take SSRIs, which are the darlings of modern psychiatry. They fuck with my perception, big time. I normally am not psychotic. I have rapid cycling type 2 bipolar disorder, and my biggest issues are depression alternating with an elevated mood although not full mania, where before being properly diagnosed I would often do things such as take on a second job and/or party a lot. There can also be mixed states, which feature irritability and paranoia, but not psychosis.

If I take SSRIs, I become psychotic. Not like axe-murdering psychotic, which is what most people think of when they hear the word. I'm far more likely to hurt myself than anyone else, however, my thoughts are not grounded in Earthly reality. For instance, Zoloft gave me the perception that my brain had grown tiny hands and was trying to pick its way out of my skull. With Effexor, I jumped up on a counter and was preaching. Prozac made me flat and had me staring at my arm, contemplating cutting it, not for the usual self-harm reasons but because I wondered if I could still feel.

The only thing I take is a form of Lithium which is available without prescription. I take a much lower dose than I would have to if I were to take Lithium Carbonate, because Lithium Orotate is far more bioavailable. 

The therapeutic dose of Lithium, as it happens, is just slightly below toxic levels. Since much lower doses of Lithium Orotate have the desired effect of minimizing the irritability, paranoia and impulsiveness of my disorder, why the hell would I want to ingest nearly toxic amounts of Lithium?

Although psychiatry has come a long way since the early days when those deemed "insane" were locked away in torture chambers, there's still a lot of work that needs to be done. I think there is still a tendency to try to make everybody fit the definition of textbook "normal," and that is not realistic or compassionate.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

Cross-posted to:

http://crazycreativescheerleadingcamp.blogspot.com

http://crazycreativescheerleadingcamp.tumblr.com

http://openmindedsearchfortruth.blogspot.com

http://trifectaofmess.tumblr.com

The Cheese Grates It: Don't Base Your Worth on Accidents of Time and DNA

The late Carrie Fisher once said to one of her detractors that youth and beauty are not accomplishments, they are accidents of time and DNA. Truer words were never spoken.

A Facebook acquaintance was lamenting that she used to be more psychically perceptive. She then went on to bemoan the fact that she "used to be pretty," but she was now fat. This is what I said to her, and it is advice that many of us need to hear.

As a person who yo-yo dieted until I was in my mid 40's, I want to encourage you not to see whatever your body type is as a bad thing. It took me all too many years to learn that. As for "pretty," that's very subjective and it isn't anything more than an accident of time and DNA.

 I can relate to what you're saying. I used to be far more perceptive, but I've got too many "real world" concerns at this point and sometimes I feel about as perceptive as a mud clod. It's very frustrating.

For my own part, at this point, I'm going to work on the perceptiveness thing and not worry about whether or not other people find me "pretty." If they do, well, honestly, meh, whatever. That's nice, I guess. If they don't, so what? They can find something else to look at.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

"Knowing others is wisdom. 

Knowing yourself is enlightenment."

Tao

AC/DC - Inject the Venom - HQ/1080p

break

Can't help but think of this song sometimes when it's Insulin Time. 

Honestly, though, I don't listen to AC/DC very much these days in spite of what they have meant to me during my life.

All the shit that's happened to them depresses the fuck out of me.

I talk about diabetes a lot because I'm still getting used to the idea of having another dying organ in my body.

I didn't talk about hypothyroidism or PCOS or menopause that much because menopause made me happy and resolved the problems of PCOS, and hypothyroidism required swallowing a couple of small pills.

I talked about glaucoma a bit when I was first diagnosed, but my eye pressure is good and my peripheral vision doesn't seem to have deteriorated, and the treatment is an eye drop in each eye once a day.

With diabetes, I have to inject something into my body to prevent elevated blood glucose from destroying other organs such as my kidneys and my eyes or possibly the blood vessels in my brain.

It isn't that the injections hurt. I hardly feel them. Oddly enough, they make me feel kind of empowered, sort of like "take that, you fucking dead pancreas! I don't need your stupid ass anyway!"

Nonetheless, it's kind of weird, and it's not something I ever thought I'd have to do.

In a few months, it'll be old hat, and I'll hardly ever mention it.

Unlike my stupid bipolar disorder. Lithium helps control the irritability and paranoia, but there are still issues, plus the stigma and ignorance surrounding psych disorders.

I'm just a huge fucking mess. I want a body without 99 million problems in my next life.

Scratch that. I don't want a next life. I just want to float around in the Aethers, being an asshole.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~