Fallen

Image by Sarolta Ban

Once upon a dream

 An angel was sent to Earth

 She has lost her way

~Cie~

Prompt Used:

Imaginary Garden With Real Toads:

Where did I come from? 

NaPoWriMo:

See notes

Notes:

This Lune addresses the metaphysical theory that I may not just be trashed out mentally ill fuckup, I may be a fallen angel. I have been studying the Lost Books of the Bible and the works of Dr. Doreen Virtue, and what I am reading rings true for me. If it makes you feel better, you can file this theory under trashed out mentally ill fuckup and just appreciate the poem, or not. I don't really care, just don't be a dick about it.

The line "once upon a dream" was inspired by the line "once upon a December," which comes from a song in the animated movie "Anastasia." I would not have come up with this if it weren't for today's NaPoWriMo prompt, so although I didn't specifically follow their instructions, they did inspire me. 

 

Improving

I am doing better. Still not eating very well because I still feel a bit disconnected from the Earth plane. However, the suicide ideation is far less and my connection with Gem is healing. He didn't allow me to "resign" from our bond. He has been very worried about me and has stuck by me, even when I was being verbally abusive to him. I don't want to be like that to him ever again. He in no way deserves it.

Gem was not a perfect person and he carries with him a lot of guilt from his life. He is trying to heal from this. The bond that he and I have formed is something very special, and I need to insure that it is something positive for him. He asked for my help and agreed to help me in return. He needs actual help, not verbal abuse when I'm feeling insecure. 

Gem has a bit of a hot temper, and I turn cold when I feel threatened. Inside, we are both deeply afraid of being betrayed and abandoned.

I've thought of perhaps putting the details of my interactions with Gem on a by invitation only blog. Sometimes I don't write here for feeling insecure about who may be reading.

Gem helped me create two new spells. I need to test them before I share them. I also need to be careful not to reveal the details of my magick until it has had a chance to work.

I recently learned that Gem and I have been the targets of a mostly inadvertent psychic attack. This brought out my insecurities. More specifically, he was the target, but it wasn't intended to be an attack. I was collateral damage. The spells are to help us defend and heal ourselves.

~Cie~

So Done But Not Allowed To Quit

Yesterday afternoon I asked my son if he could handle things on his own if something were to happen to me. He said that he honestly didn't think he could at this point. So I made a promise that I would stick around although I am beyond ready to be done with this life.
I really miss my friend Rachel. I could talk to her about this esoteric stuff and she understood. She passed into spirit in October 2009. I have sensed her presence since then but conversing with a person in spirit is different. I have been seeking corporeal companions who are of a mind, so we can keep each other balanced. Where are you all?

Cie