"Crap, not this again."
Said every person with a cyclic mood disorder.
Because my bipolar disorder is of the rapid cycling variety (prevailing mood tends to change about every 2 weeks), people who don't have such a condition tend to think "oh, it's no big deal then, she'll be over it in two weeks."
However, that isn't actually how it works.
The severity of the depressive mood and the suicide ideation that comes with it vary. Sometimes I say "well, shit, here we go again, but it will pass."
Other times, the suicide ideation is extremely high.
Sometimes the suicidal thoughts are of the "I'm going to fling myself into the Grand Canyon" variety. This isn't realistic because I don't live anywhere near the Grand Canyon and I'm afraid of heights. I wouldn't be likely to top myself by flinging myself from a height.
Other times the thoughts are more dangerous because they are something that could be realistically enacted, i.e. overdosing.
I have mitigating reasons not to act on these thoughts, and if I went to the E.R. every time I had suicide ideation, I'd have to live there. Sorry to say it, but suicide hotlines are pretty much worthless for someone in my situation. Basically, you get a well-meaning (if you're lucky) person who tells you to contact 911 because you shouldn't kill yourself. I say if you're lucky because I actually had a person at one of those hotlines laugh at me, and on another occasion not know what the hell to say, tell me I should contact the local mental health center, and wish me luck. Not a lot of help there.
Anyway, yeah, it will pass, but having people say that in a dismissive way is kind of like being waist deep in quicksand and having someone say "oh, it's okay, it's only waist deep, you'll get out."
It appears to be waist deep, but if you take a step you might be in up to your neck.
It's like that.
~The Cheese Hath Grated It~
