Saturday, August 31, 2019

Fearless Thinking, Stress-Free Living Exercises: An Experiment



Disclosure: I received a free copy of this book for review purposes.

I am currently reading the above book as a member of the Online Book Club review team and have decided to take part in some of the exercises and see if I find them helpful. I already like the book well enough that I feel confident in recommending that you preview it and see if you might benefit from it as well.

I have decided to participate in the first recommended exercise, which involves recording one's thoughts for a minute four times a day. I can't promise that I'll do this four times a day, but I can commit to doing it daily. I will sometimes share these thoughts.

This is not a writing exercise. It is not meant to be edited. It is a means of determining where the mind is currently focused. Here is my first entry.

Unedited thoughts, one minute
08/29/2019 16:12

The bandage on my finger is making me feel crazy.
Will this stupid wart dissolve?
My ankle hurts, my right foot hurts. 
It feels like there is something sticky on my fingers.
Will things be all right after we move?
Will we actually start eating better?
Why the hell can't I just finish packing? What's stopping me?
I'm worried about the move.

I'm not going to try to analyze this very much. Lots of worry and trepidation is the theme of the moment, and I can't say I'm surprised.

~Cie~

Wednesday, August 28, 2019

How Not to Write About Neurological or Psychological Differences


Definitely, don't include the above statement in your piece. However, the points I'm discussing are a bit more subtle.
I recently read a review of a book about a woman with bipolar disorder. I have not read the book myself at this juncture but am taking it on myself to do so for the reasons stated below. 

The reviewer made this statement:
"Individuals affected with this disorder, eventually take up the nature of a 'zombie' because of the effects of the drugs given to control it. They are also known to be suicidal."

I left this reply to the reviewer.

As a person with bipolar disorder, I would suggest doing further research on bipolar disorder before making blanket statements regarding how people who live with the disorder behave. There are several types of bipolar disorder: type one, type two, and cyclothymia. There are also a variety of medications used to treat it, and some of us who live with the condition do not take medication.
There is an increased likelihood of suicide ideation with bipolar disorder, however, this does not always manifest in the same way. Speaking for myself personally, I have frequent suicide ideation but it tends to be situational. I have learned coping techniques to deal with it. I never "become a zombie" because of medication because I refuse to take medications which allow me to become a zombie.
As I have Kindle Unlimited, I feel the need to take it upon myself to read this book because if this is the sort of picture it is painting of people with bipolar disorder, that is troubling indeed. We already face enough stigma. We do not need the world viewing a varied population in an extremely negatively stereotyped fashion. 
As this book appears to depict a single case and one person's manifestations of bipolar disorder, please do not stereotype all persons with bipolar disorder as behaving in the same way. We are as varied as any other population of individuals. Your review was concise, but the sentences stereotype an entire population of people. Instead of saying "people with bipolar disorder are known to...", personalize the review by saying "Geraldine experienced feelings of lethargy due to the side effects of her medication" or "Geraldine was suicidal."
I would also avoid using terms such as "suffering from" when referring to neurological differences such as autism or psychological aberrations such as bipolar disorder. Such a description can be offensive. Persons with these conditions often are not suffering due to the condition itself, we suffer because of the negative ways in which we are treated. I have told people that if I could have a cure for my diabetes, I would take it in a heartbeat, but I would not take a cure for my bipolar disorder. Having bipolar disorder disappear would change the way my mind perceives the world, and I would not know how to function in the world. I am not going to say that bipolar disorder is a "gift," but it is an oversimplification to say that bipolar disorder causes suffering, implying that eradication of bipolar disorder would eradicate suffering. Many things cause suffering. Bipolar disorder simply causes a shift in the way a person perceives the world, which may or may not cause suffering.

Cheers.
Cie


Tuesday, August 27, 2019

Carpe Diem Field of Flowers: Sunflower and Foxglove


at this time of year
sunflowers line the roadside
golden soldiers march


too much is toxic
but given in small doses
it can help a heart

~Cie~


Note:
The cardiac medication digitalis is made from the foxglove plant. Patients taking digitalis must be monitored closely for symptoms of toxicity.

Carpe Diem Field of Flowers: Baneberry


withstanding extremes
a plant may make its debut
within my garden

~Cie~


Notes:
I am seeking plants suitable for Zone 5. They need to be able to withstand both heat and cold and not be too thirsty. The Baneberry seems like a possible addition.

Tuesday, August 20, 2019

Corrupted


Image by John Hain from Pixabay

You think yourself genuine and virtuous
A beacon of light for all the good people
Good people like you, that is

You're a real shooting star
You pride yourself on being a straight shooter
Straight from your mouth into their heart

And if someone is hurt by your callous words
Well, whose fault is that?
These special snowflakes need to toughen up

Some people have everything they need
Right from the start, pretty in a certain way
Always knowing they're wanted

For some people, it's always the edge of summer
Always hoping that this year will be the year
When everything finally changes for the better

You, amazing, wonderful, virtuous you
Dismiss these wannabe losers
With a sniff and an offhand gesture

You congratulate yourself for your ability
To agitate, to debate, to concentrate your hate
Onto the tip of your poison tongue

I'd rather go blind
Than be anything like you
For even a micro-portion of a nanosecond

You believe your vicious declarations are a gift
Truth straight from a horse's ass
To the hurting hearts of the world's outcasts

So sanctimonious, so contentious
No matter how you beautify the outside
The inside is still corrupt as a decaying casualty
 Of your insidious verbal war

When your words cause people to hate themselves
To consider suicide rather than live one more day
Among monsters such as you

I submit that you, not they
Are the failure, the loser, the washout
The unwanted, the unneeded, the parasite

Turn your eyes inside
And judge the real ugliness
That you find in your dead, putrefying soul

~Cie~

Prompts Used:

Notes:
These words are not directed at any specific individual. They paint a composite portrait, illustrating a certain type of personality: the kind of person who believes in being harshly judgmental and "brutally honest," which, in reality, translates to: "I want a license to behave cruelly. It gives me a sadistic kick to destroy others. I act as if I'm the picture of perfection. In reality, I am covering for my own inferiority complex at the expense of vulnerable people."

Sunday, August 18, 2019

Carpe Diem Field of Flowers: Milkweed


I must remember
plant milkweed in my garden
for the butterflies

~Cie~



Saturday, August 17, 2019

Carpe Diem Weekend Meditation #98: Choka: Angels and Birds in Flight

Image by Christine Sponchia from Pixabay

soar and drift away
spread your wings and float away
flutter high in air
lifting up for bird's eye view
glide on the current
take off and rise up so high
hover overhead
levitate, luff, and then dive
flap and float about the sky

~Cie~


Sly Speaks: Them Damn Crooked Social Service Vultures: A Cautionary Tale


My late father was a Libertarian. While I do not agree with much of the Libertarian agenda, I have come to agree strongly with his Libertarian paranoia about government agencies.
Your county human services department does not care about helping you. In fact, the likelihood is that your social worker has been trained to try and trip you up so they can deny you services or worse, fine you and perhaps incarcerate you.
The websites for social services are not straightforward. 
Unless you are completely destitute and have absolutely no assets whatsoever, do everything in your power to avoid social services. They will come after your assets.
If you are absolutely destitute and have no other recourse, this is the only time it is safe to seek assistance from social services. 
Go to food banks rather than trying to get food stamps if at all possible. Foodbank employees may be underpaid dicks who will make you feel like a shitty human being for coming to the food bank, but they are nothing compared to what the SS (that's Social Services) Gestapo are capable of.
If you need Medicaid, it tends to operate differently than other human services. Also, Medicaid differs state by state. I can only speak for the Colorado Medicaid program. There may be some similarities in your state, but you would be best advised to check for yourself.
Overall, at this time, Colorado Medicaid is fairly straightforward and, despite its problems, has been pretty fair in its treatment of me and my family.
I very much need Medicaid. I have numerous health problems and can't work a steady job. 
I believe that everyone should receive Medicaid, regardless of income, and high-priced insurance should be abolished. But this post deals with current reality.
I am also not opposed to social services in principle. In principle, I believe that every person should be entitled to adequate housing and food, regardless of their ability to work. This is not a pro-social-Darwinism rant. This is a criticism of the current state of social services and why I have come to agree with my father that agencies such as social services should not be trusted and should be avoided as much as possible.
I have cognitive and psychological disabilities as well as physical ones. I have ADD, and I tend to be scatterbrained because of it. My family is in the process of moving, and I wanted to get a jump on things instead of forgetting to do them like I often do and then three months later remembering that, oh shit, I forgot to change our address with Colorado Peak. Thus, technically, at this point, my son and I have two addresses.
My son is high-functioning autistic and has ADHD. He does not do well with filling out forms such as the Colorado Peak form and tends to become overwhelmed by them. Thus, even though I am not much better, I assume responsibility for doing this.
I have felt bad because I quit my job delivering food at the end of May so I could concentrate on helping my son's dad purchase a property about 130 miles from where my son and I currently live. My son and I, and eventually his dad, will be living in this property. It is in my son's dad's name. He lives in another state, and my son has been acting as his agent in the purchase of this property and all necessary work to be done on it. 
As far as employment goes, I have been freelancing online, but the outcome doesn't add up too much. Feeling guilty about being a drain on the household, I decided I could help out by applying for food stamps in the county we are moving to.
Medicaid allows you to declare every adult in a home to be a "separate household." My son and I are separate households, even though we both live under the same roof.
I did not know until today that human services, which comprises food benefits and disability, does not. Everyone in the household must be declared.
I was naively under the impression that the caseworker wanted to help me, so I gave her my son's information when she asked for it. I should, at that point, have apologized for wasting her time and said that I only wanted to apply for benefits for myself and would have to talk things over with my son. But I stupidly revealed our situation to her.
She proceeded to have me sign a form saying that I was withdrawing my request for benefits, told me that she was sending the case back to the county where the townhome we are moving from is and that if the county decides to audit us, we will be facing 10 years in jail and a $250,000 fine. I told her that my son has nothing to do with this, it is all on me, I was only trying to help the household as I feel I have been a burden. She told me that because he is part of the same household, he is culpable too and we could both be found guilty of fraud.
These agencies will be more than happy to send innocent people to jail for misunderstanding how a fucked-up system works. The fact is, neither my son nor I would survive prison, and this move is our last hope. If things do not work out for us here, our only other options become homelessness or suicide.
This is why I, a democratic socialist, agree with my late Libertarian father regarding government agencies.
Do not trust them damn crooked vultures.
They will fuck you from the left, from the right, upside down, and sideways, and they will feel no remorse about destroying your life.
My father also did not trust mental health agencies and people such as psychologists and psychiatrists, who, very often, are as fucked up or more so than the people they are supposed to treat.
I wish I had listened to you, Dad. Because right now I'm afraid I've fucked everything up by trying to do the right thing. 
Please listen to my dad. There were a lot of things I disagreed with the old man on, but I agree wholeheartedly with him on this one. Don't trust government agencies. They do not have your best interests at heart by any stretch of the imagination.

~Sly Has Spoken~

Image copyright juliahenze@123rf.com

Thursday, August 15, 2019

Carpe Diem Field of Flowers: Peony


dainty peony
a garden's painted lady
makes a home for ants

dainty peony
ants climbing in the petals
seeking space to rest

a garden's painted lady
something from another time
and at once timeless

makes a home for ants
petals form a cozy bed
hidden from the sun

~Cie~


Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Carpe Diem Field of Flowers: Honeysuckle


I can remember
the smell of honeysuckle
New Mexico night

~Cie~


Notes:
I recently completed and am about to submit my manuscript for the Insecure Writers' Support Group anthology contest. The genre is middle-grade historical fantasy/action.
I normally write for adults. I find writing for youth extremely challenging. I ended up opting to write a lightly fictionalized autobiography of myself between childhood and my pre-teen years which centered around my imagination and the fantastical fiction genres which inspired me. In writing about myself I ended up opening a lot of pockets of unresolved grief.
The place I lived between the ages of four and nine was a semi-rural pocket in Albuquerque, New Mexico, where people could have small farms and keep chickens and such. We had a very large yard, a half-acre. Unfortunately, the house was in rather a shoddy condition and cockroaches the size of school buses had a tendency to get inside. The bugs are huge in New Mexico, and I was not keen on that. But I did love the little skinks and horned toads and such. We also had many beautiful plants around such as the honeysuckle vines, and the cicadas would sing us to sleep.
I was a very shy child and did not have many friends. The characters I met in fantasy worlds were my friends, as were my pets and the animals in our yard.
Although I was born in the Western United States and raised in the Southwest for a number of years, my parents were both from New York. When certain relatives would visit, they would ridicule my accent. A New Mexico accent is a bit of an off-Texas drawl. To this day, I bristle whenever anyone askes the seemingly innocent question: "where are you from?" To me, that question is loaded.

Sunday, August 11, 2019

Carpe Diem Weekend Meditation #97: Depth of a Flower


I

windy weather
calling the flowers by name
each nods

windy weather
inspiring too much thinking 
melancholy thoughts

calling the flowers by name
the flowers in a graveyard
have names of the lost

each nods
no fight when the time has come
blowing away home

II

depth of a flower
flying away with the bee
some mystery

depth of a flower
what hides deep inside beauty
mystery within

flying away with the bee
nectar feeds tomorrow's child
hope for the future

some mystery
can spark curiosity
or can drive one mad

Jane & Cie



Notes:
The "sleighs" of these two Troiku were created by Jane Reichhold (1937 - 2016). The Six Horses of the Apocalypse escaped from my unstable stables.

GANDHI


"Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words.
Keep your words positive because your words become your behaviour.
Keep your behaviour positive because your behaviour becomes your habits.
Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values.
Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny."

Friday, August 9, 2019

Real Cie Reviews: Tarot Coloring Book



This is a beautifully designed little book with wonderfully intricate pictures to color. Meditate on the archetypal images while relaxing, relieving stress, and allowing your subconscious to strengthen and expand. Coloring is a wonderful and soothing activity for adults and can be helpful for those working through trauma. The designs are innovative and will please those who collect and enjoy Tarot cards.

Print the pages from the e-book or purchase the physical book with the pages ready to go!


~Cie~

Thursday, August 8, 2019

Carpe Diem Field of Flowers 2019: Zinnia


I have a feeling
that zinnias will appear
in my new garden
a dainty-looking flower
which thrives in harsh places

~Cie~


Notes:
Those of you who are only interested in the poetry can hop off the bus here.
Those who enjoy trivia and my Grover updates, keep on truckin' with me.
I was pleasantly surprised to discover that zinnias thrive in harsh climates. (Wikipedia entry here.) Another fun fact: they are native to scrub and dry grasslands.
Colorado has notoriously awful soil, but I remember my mother growing zinnias in her garden. I have a bad reputation as a plant murderer with a serious black thumb. Zinnias, however, seem like they might be able to withstand me.
Here are some recent images from the Grover Hotel renovation. The awful extension has been successfully removed, along with the back porch which was rotting and barely attached to the house. Our thanks to Northern Colorado Excavating for the assistance in removing this strange structure, which was serving as housing for wasps. Fortunately, no-one got stung.





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Real Cie Reviews: From Liberty to Magnolia: In Search of the American Dream



Rating: 5 of 5 stars

The following is a duplicate of my Amazon review for this book:
Dr. Ellis does not hold back when telling the story of growing up in the racist South during the years leading to the Civil Rights movement. As a black woman, she faced double the prejudice and was warned not to aim too high. Through hard work, she was able to be successful in many areas, but it did not come without cost, and she often saw less qualified white male colleagues being promoted for positions that she was suited for.
The issues that Dr. Ellis faced are issues that society still struggles with today. 
The author's style is very detailed and academic, and, occasionally, the flow of the narrative slows because she becomes a bit too detailed about subjects which will not hold the interest of the general public. Specifically, the chapter where she describes meeting her journalistic hero, Walter Lippmann, is not likely to hold the interest of a person who is not themselves deeply engrossed in political journalism. 
Overall, Dr. Ellis' story is deeply compelling and will be especially inspiring to women and minorities who continue to face prejudice in the post-Civil Rights era.

You can also read my exclusive review for the Online Book Club here.
Read my Goodreads review here.

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Carpe Diem Field of Flowers + The Legend of Seacliffe House: Daisies After the Storm


around the mansion
daisies standing strong together
after the storm

around the mansion
dark shapes lurk in the shadows
even in daylight

daisies standing strong together
like my companions and I
these wonderful friends

after the storm
we concentrate on our work
we stand together

Chèvrefeuille & Cie


Notes:
The "sleigh" of this Troiku was created by Chèvrefeuille. The Three Horses of the Apocalypse were wrangled by me.
I always appreciate the inspiration for a poem relating to a Team Netherworld WIP, in this case, The Legend of Seacliffe. After a tumultuous night riding through a terrible storm to take his mother away from the brutal Diamantina Lamb, mistress of Lambswood, Randal Messana finds shelter and kindly assistance from the servants at the mysterious Seacliffe House. As the sun rises and dries the rain, he notices a patch of daisies thriving in a meadow a slight distance behind the house as he is assisting his new companions with their chores.

Sunday, August 4, 2019

Carpe Diem Field of Flowers: Drooping Sunflower


Like a sunflower
Grown too heavy for its stalk
My weary head droops

~Cie~


Only People

Carpe Diem Little Ones: Sedoka: In the Mirror

Image by Michael Gaida from Pixabay

Face in the mirror
Painting its cheeks with color
While painting its heart with lies

Painted-on pretty
Never healed a single wound
I was lying to myself

~Cie~


Notes:
It's been said that I have body dysmorphic disorder. In any case, I have always thought myself shockingly, astoundingly, hideously ugly. I used to wear a lot of make-up. I haven't worn make-up in about 15 years because it causes my eczema to flare.
I think this society places far too much value on a very narrow definition of physical "beauty." We live in a world where hotness is the most desired attribute and lust is the most coveted sensation. I don't think this is healthy for either individuals or society as a whole.


Friday, August 2, 2019

Carpe Diem Field of Flowers: Ghost Poppies

White Poppies

Sleeping with poppies
I woke in a ghostly realm
Spirits of poppies

~Cie~


Thursday, August 1, 2019

Carpe Diem Field of Flowers: A Million Poppies

Image by Couleur from Pixabay

strolling through a field
a million sleepy poppies
call me to join them

~Cie~