I found another blog hop (in which I will not officially participate because pariah).
The seven week blog hop is about kindness, and the first type of kindness is self-kindness.
This is something I find impossible, particularly in light of recent events. How can I be kind to something that I despise with every fiber of my being?
I don't even know if it's worth going deeper.
I hate myself for my mistakes.
I hate myself for the anger which festers in my heart.
I hate my ugly physical form.
I hate this stupid, life-destroying mental illness.
My ugliness destroys every good thing, every connection I form, every dream I have ever had.
Being what I am is punishment. I am a walking abortion. I am something that never should have been born.
I do far more harm than good.
The only good I will ever do is when I finally work up the wherewithal to actually complete the suicide I think about all the time.
I cannot be kind to something that deserves nothing but hate.
Cie, the ugliest person to ever exist
