November PAD Chapbook Challenge: Day 10: Tyranny of Perfection

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

so I got to thinking

what if Death 

isn't a grim dude in a black hood

but is instead

an annoyingly perfect and perfectionistic

aerobics instructor

who chirps at you

that it's time to do your cardi-oh-oh

and when you do those leg lifts

you've gotta squeeze those glutes

because if you don't squeeze 'em

no-one else will

and I kind of got to thinking

what if I don't want my life

to revolve around whether or not

some dudebro wants to

play grab-ass with me

and then that chipper death

chirped at me that I

need to mind my carbs and calories

because fat is the very worst thing

that a person can possibly be

and then I got to thinking

that maybe that's not true

that in fact the worst thing a person

can possibly be

is a sanctimonious twat

who refuses to respect

other people's lives and conditions and preferences

and bodily autonomy

and who really can just fuck off

and then I got to wondering 

if maybe that's the way Death works

is by annoying people to death

by making them fight all day every day

with vicious inner voices

that tell them they're no good

because they have dimpled thighs

or chunky butts

or saggy boobs

or tummy rolls

or they just aren't perky-werky enough

and then I got to thinking 

that maybe what happens

is people get tired 

of hearing Death's annoying voice

bleating at them to get up and at 'em

because nobody who isn't perfect

deserves to have a life

and so they smash the snooze bar

on their internal clock

one too many times

in an attempt to shut the annoying bitch up

once and for all

~Cie~

Notes:

Today's November PAD Chapbook Challenge asked for a (blank) of (blank) poem. I initially went with "hands of time," which is how I found the image of the perky aerobics instructor looking lady with her watch. I started thinking about all the years and time and money I spent trying to hate myself thin, and it really pissed me off that the message people (especially women) are sent from the moment we draw breath isn't "take care of yourself because you are worthwhile regardless of your size or looks," it's "if you girls aren't thin and pretty in a very specific way, you are garbage and don't deserve happiness." 

So, I changed the title of my poem to Tyranny of Perfection and wrote about what it feels like to fight with the hateful internal dialogue that has been crammed down my throat for as long as I can remember. It would be nice to be able to just BE, without having to fight with these horrible messages from the cradle to the grave. Doing so is the biggest fucking waste of time and a waste of a perfectly good life too.

November PAD Chapbook Challenge 2019: Day 9: Senryu: Reflection

Image by James Wheeler from Pixabay

bright lights and glamour

shining city in my sights

I don't belong there

~Cie~

Notes:

Today's November PAD Chapbook Challenge prompt was to write a reflection poem. I reflected on my one-time desire to live a glamorous life among the hoi-polloi before realizing that fake people make me utterly miserable and I would never have fit in.

Carpe Diem #1781: Dead Leaves

the leaves falling down

colorless on the cold wind

my heart breaks like ice

~Cie~

Notes:

I guess I came close to following the traditional Haiku rules, but if not, you can tell me that I suck and should go die in a fire like the trash poet (and excuse for a human being) that I am. For me, the expression is always more important than the rules, and it's difficult to teach a very old and stupid dog new tricks.

Heeding Haiku With Carpe Diem: Senryu: Crystal Pond

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death falls to darkness

or does the soul perhaps leap

to a crystal pond

~Cie~

Notes:

Today's Carpe Diem prompt involved revising this well-known Haiku by Matsuo Basho (1644 - 1694).

old pond

a frog jumps into

the sound of water

Today's Mindlovemisery's Menagerie prompt was crystals. We were asked to follow traditional Haiku rules, but, sorry, no can do when such a stellar Senryu using both prompts has hijacked my synapses!

I dreamed that my wonderful cat Trinity, whom I had to have put to sleep three years ago on November 9 due to brain and lung cancer, was here with me. November 9, 2016, was a garbage day in history. I lost my great friend on that day, and Lord Dampnut was elected "president." It was a terrible time to be alive.

She was such a special cat. I miss her big, chonky body, her big, chonky personality, and her big, loud purr.

Carpe Diem Tan Renga Wednesday #5: White Crane

how I wish to call

a white crane from Fukei,

but for this cold rain.

the crane wisely remains home

safely out of the downpour

Kikaku & Cie

Notes:

The Hokku stanza of this Renga was composed by Takarai Kikaku (1661 - 1707) who was an accomplished disciple of Matsuo Basho. The Ageku stanza was composed by me on behalf of the crane who said: "I ain't goin' out in that downpour, Beeyotch!" Or something like that. 

Carpe Diem #1779 Cliffs of Moher ... a tribute to Jane Reichhold (monody, Senryu)

Image source

in that last moment

I hope that you were at peace

may you now fly free

~Cie~

Notes:

I was previously unaware that Jane Reichhold (1937 - 2016) had committed suicide because the pain of her fibromyalgia had become unbearable. Please click the Fishy banner to find out more about Jane's story.

We will never learn how to reduce the rate of suicide if it is a stigmatized, taboo subject. If people are afraid or ashamed to discuss suicide ideation, then their struggles will remain internalized. The ways that suicide ideation and attempted suicide are currently handled are ineffective and the unthinking and unfeeling diatribe that the surviving family members of a person who committed suicide are subject to are simply shameful.

Any time a celebrity commits suicide, there's always someone sanctimoniously spouting about how "selfish" this person was, and I want to take them aside and shake them and shout: "Hello, you insensitive twit! Did it never occur to you in your moment of self-righteousness to realize that anyone listening to you could have a loved one who took their own life? How dare you be so thoughtless!"

When I was in high school, I had a friend whose brother had committed suicide when she was eight years old. She said that people would come up to her on the playground and tell her that her brother was in hell for what he'd done. I say there ought to be a special spit in hell reserved for mealy-mouthed marshmallows who make such unkind assertions.

I leave you now with this banner that I use as my Facebook avatar anytime a celebrity takes their own life because I just know that the ignorant spoutings are going to elevate at such times.

Ornery Reviews: Of Zots and Xoodles

Genre:
Absurdist/Humor/Science Fiction

Rating:
Four out of Four stars for Online Book Club
Five out of Five stars for Amazon

Disclosure:
I received a free copy of this book for review purposes.
This is a duplicate of my review of this product on Amazon.
If readers purchase a copy of the book through the link at the bottom of the post, I will receive a small commission from Amazon.

Click here to read my exclusive Online Book Club review for Of Zots and Xoodles.

I am head over heels in love with this weird and wonderful book. As someone with a brain that doesn't play "normally," I enjoyed the postulations about a Universe that doesn't play "normally" either. I now realize that I am not a native of the world in which I reside: I come from Theodil's Universe.

If you wonder what happened to Douglas Adams after he passed into the Great Beyond, he has clearly been hanging out with Theodil and Dr. Seuss. For those of us who miss Douglas Adams' writing, of Zots and Xoodles has a similar absurdist style. 

If you like the strange, the surreal, the odd and wonderfully nonsensical, pick up a copy of this book. You will not be disappointed.

~Cie the Ornery Old Lady~

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