The Cheese Grates It: Accidents of Time and DNA

I was really having a go at myself yesterday. I was angry with myself for walking so slowly. It took me an hour and a half to walk 2 miles where it takes the average person about 45 minutes to do so. I later realized that I had been carrying about 20 pounds, one approximately 10 pound bag on each shoulder.

The next day I couldn't stand the sight of myself and continually referred to myself as an ugly old toad faced cow.

Today I remember Carrie Fisher's wise words.

Youth and beauty are not accomplishments. They are accidents of time and DNA.

This is one of my favorite images. It shows the same person with a relatively 30-year progression in age. There are a lot of people who say that this person has always been "ugly." Then there are those who say he was cute when he was younger but became "ugly" as he aged.

I say that those shallow sorts are cordially invited to go fuck themselves.

This person has never been conventionally attractive. He was too short and skinny to be a "manly man" and his elvish face wasn't exactly a "movie star" mug.

I don't think he "got ugly" as he aged, he just got older. People do that. We should be allowed to do that.

Recently, I ended up with chemical burns where one definitely does not want chemical burns. I put Nair on my legs to thin out the hair. I have very thick hair on my head, and with thick hair on the head comes thick hair on the arms and legs. Women are expected to have glorious, thick manes of hair on their head and hairless legs and arms. It's ridiculous.

When I was walking to the shower, because I don't have the ludicrous "thigh gap" that women are supposed to have (hint: the majority of women do not) my legs rubbed against each other and squeezed some of the depilatory cream to the point where my thighs meet my nether regions.

I am still recovering from chemical burns to the nether regions.

It is ludicrous that women feel the need to burn the hair off our legs or have the hair ripped from our private areas to make ourselves not even impossibly beautiful (it is, in fact, impossible to achieve the perfection that we are supposed to aspire to) but merely acceptable. In this society, anything less than stunningly beautiful is hideous. It is unacceptable to be plain or average.

A person's beauty does not lie in their external appearance.

People do not become "ugly" as they age.

There is nothing wrong with being an ordinary-looking person.

Perfectionism is deadly to the spirit.

It is a soul-destroying demon with which I have wrestled all my life. So too have the people whose pictures I featured in this post.

May we somehow learn to find peace with ourselves.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

The Cheese Grates It: Don't Base Your Worth on Accidents of Time and DNA

The late Carrie Fisher once said to one of her detractors that youth and beauty are not accomplishments, they are accidents of time and DNA. Truer words were never spoken.

A Facebook acquaintance was lamenting that she used to be more psychically perceptive. She then went on to bemoan the fact that she "used to be pretty," but she was now fat. This is what I said to her, and it is advice that many of us need to hear.

As a person who yo-yo dieted until I was in my mid 40's, I want to encourage you not to see whatever your body type is as a bad thing. It took me all too many years to learn that. As for "pretty," that's very subjective and it isn't anything more than an accident of time and DNA.

 I can relate to what you're saying. I used to be far more perceptive, but I've got too many "real world" concerns at this point and sometimes I feel about as perceptive as a mud clod. It's very frustrating.

For my own part, at this point, I'm going to work on the perceptiveness thing and not worry about whether or not other people find me "pretty." If they do, well, honestly, meh, whatever. That's nice, I guess. If they don't, so what? They can find something else to look at.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

The Cheese Grates It: Transitions and Resolutions

We are in a time of transition in this realm. 

We are faced with many losses and many difficult challenges.

I must apologize to anyone who is hoping for some sort of rosy perspective regarding 2017. I don't have one.

The only New Years resolutions I would encourage people to make are those which involve treating yourself and others more kindly. None of this browbeating yourself because you don't look like the Photoshopped standard of what people are "supposed" to look like. Nobody looks like that.

In 2017, I want to present a different beautiful person on every Wordless Wednesday. That is my New Year's resolution.

It isn't Wednesday, and this post isn't wordless, but here is our first.

You done good, Sister. You done real good. Go on and take a load off now.

My pictures of Carrie Fisher are in my Princess Leia file, because there is no difference. Often performers are radically different from the characters they play. Not so with Carrie and Leia. They are both tough, real women who faced difficult challenges in life. They both deserve respect.

In 2017, let us be like Carrie and Leia. Let us fight injustice and stand up for what's right.

That is the sort of New Year's resolution worth having.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

The Cheese Grates It: Hail Princess Leia/Carrie Fisher

The wonderful Carrie Fisher has made her journey to the other side.

May the Force be with her.

Carrie brought to life Princess Leia, the first real action heroine that I can think of. Leia was not just another damsel in distress. She was a true fighter in her own right. My twelve year old heart soared when she took up the blaster pistol and proceeded to take charge.

I am sad to read of Carrie Fisher's passing. Sixty hasn't seemed that old to me in a long time. 

Carrie did not have an easy life. She had money, and she got to do certain things that most of us can only dream of. However, living with bipolar disorder is a challenge, and I have been appalled at her treatment by not only Hollywood but society as a whole for the belief that if a person doesn't continue to be thin and look 25 years old for their entire life that they are somehow a lesser human being. 

Carrie should not have been forced to lose weight in order to reprise her role as Leia. I believe that yo-yo dieting harms the body. Health at Every Size is a much better approach. Carrie herself said that she liked exercising but didn't like dieting. A lot of people feel the same way. We tend to become miserable and obsessed with food when we're engaging in deprivation dieting, and, for all but a small percentage of people, such deprivation always ends up with the weight being regained, usually plus several pounds. 

For my own part, I had to stop dieting so I wouldn't become any bigger. Lo and behold, I haven't. Diets don't work, and if I have to spend the rest of my life being the killjoy who comes down on body shamers and preaches the wholesome word of Health at Every Size, so be it.

Carrie was perfect as she was. It's sad that this wonderful woman had to spend her life at war with her body, as so many of us do.

I am saddened by Carrie's passing, but I'm not in grief. I think she's okay with the way things played out. It's a much better thing to go the way she did than to linger on for years in terrible pain, with increasing severe physical compromise, or with decreasing cognitive function, and in my mind, the third is the worst of all. For my own part, I would rather depart this world swiftly, as my heroine Carrie Fisher did, than to linger on for years unable to care for myself with my body and mind deteriorating, as my own father did.

My father used to say that a good death was the best reward. His final moments were peaceful, but the road there was exceedingly difficult. He deserved better.

Carrie's was actually a good death. She deserved that. 

May your journey to the next act be amazing, Carrie.

The Cheese Hath Grated It

With Much Love and Respect