I don't know if Alex Van Halen is empathic, but it wouldn't surprise me, as creative people often are empathic. I simply chose a quote that I liked, by a person I have some regard for.
Although we are good at picking up on the emotions of others, those of us who are empathic are often lonely. I have very few friends and don't want to risk pushing them away by being too needy, a problem I've had in the past.
I have had to learn that when my friends aren't in frequent contact, it likely isn't because they're deliberately trying to push me away. It's probably because something is going on in their lives that requires their immediate attention, or they may simply not be feeling like communicating with other people.
Not having had a lot of experience with true give and take relationships, I'm always learning what it's like to actually be a friend.
Sometimes I wish I had lots of like-minded friends so if one wasn't responding I could choose from a myriad of others so as to always be getting feedback and support.
However, the truth is, while it may be possible to have a pretty well unlimited number of acquaintances or "drinking buddies," one's list of real friends tends to be a pretty short one.
Fair weather friends are easy to come by. Those who will stick with you even when your life or your perspective on life sucks are hard to find.
When guitarist Robbin Crosby contracted HIV and his HIV later became full-blown AIDS, he told his friend and former band mate Juan Croucier that he used to think he had all the friends in the world, but once he got sick, everyone disappeared. Robbin died feeling alone in the world, which is tragic.
The fact that "Robbin Crosby fat" was one of the choices that generated when I typed in a search for Robbin Crosby to find the above picture disgusts me. The people making that search are likely doing so to feel superior to him, because fat = inferior, amirite?
No, you're not. You're an asshole. Fuck your tiny-minded schadenfreude.
Robbin was a lovely, kind, troubled person. He was a beautiful human being at any size. He was one of those people who felt things very deeply. Robbin was empathic, and sometimes this meant that he let destructive people into his life because he felt a need to help them. Many empathic people have this trouble.
He is also one of those people who illustrates the fact that you have no idea what a person's state of health is or what their diet is by looking at their body type. Robbin gained a lot of weight towards the end of his life, but it wasn't because he was eating a lot. He didn't feel very well most of the time, and didn't really enjoy eating. He put on weight because of metabolic changes.
I got off track because I was so enraged by that disgusting search choice. Back to the initial topic now.
I used to think it would be wonderful to be popular. If I were popular, I'd have all the friends I could ever wish for, right? Well, not really. Being popular doesn't necessarily mean you have real friends. Sometimes it means you don't know who your real friends are. Not that I know what that's like, as I've never been popular, it's simply an observation I've made where popular people are concerned.
For anyone who might be curious, I've chatted with Robbin Crosby on a few occasions. I can't tell you where his treasure is buried, and I didn't ask him about any deep, dark secrets. He is feeling okay with his transition into spirit at this point. He is still a sweetheart, he likes helping others when he can, and he still loves music. No, I have never had any sort of tryst with him, for those who might be curious about that aspect. He's a nice, supportive friend in spirit whom I wish I could have known in life.
I am generally able to find friends in spirit to chat with, but when my moods are dark and I am in a place of self-loathing, I have trouble trusting my input. For most people still in the flesh, we require connection with other incarnate souls. I do not require any sort of romantic connection with an incarnate person, but I do need friendship, as feeling "lost at sea" is difficult, even for those who believe in the non-physical realms.
For those of us who are sighted, seeing is believing. I rarely see spirits. I sometimes wish I were better at seeing them, although given the choice, I'd rather sense their emotions and thoughts as I do. I wish I were proficient at both seeing and sensing.
I try not to be a needy nebbish with either my physical or non-corporeal friends, but sometimes its hard. I've felt alone and misunderstood for as long as I can remember. When I feel like someone understands me, it's hard not to drain the well, so to speak.
Why do I share these unpleasant truths about myself?
Because I wish I could find others willing to do so. Then I wouldn't feel so alone.
Since I haven't found those people, I need to be that person for others who might be feeling the way I do.
~Cie~
