Spiritual Seekers: Meet Anna

Sometimes I feel the need to connect with like-minded people. The truth is, there is no-one like me, but sometimes I find others who get me a little. Recently I virtually met Anna Sayce. She tells her story in this post. The following is my response to her.

http://www.annasayce.com/how-i-ended-up-as-a-professional-intuitive-annas-story/#comment-39548

My story is so much like yours. I lived in a very conservative town and was accused of being a "devil worshiper." I suppose it didn't help my position that I also enjoyed that "devil music," rock and roll.

I also have type 2 bipolar disorder, which is a form of bipolar that does not present with psychosis. However, of course I'm often questioned as to whether what I'm feeling is simply a manifestation of my screwed up brain chemistry. I'm 51 years old and crabby, so most of the time I tell people that I will believe what I believe regardless of what they think, but the truth is I have very little faith in myself. As well, at this juncture I am completely agnostic regarding a belief in any sort of higher being, but I do keep an open mind.

And that's how it really is, Folks. If you're looking for someone who has all the answers, best to keep looking, because I sure don't. However, I caution that anyone who says they do have all the answers is generally someone you should avoid because most of the time they want one thing: your money in their pocket.

However, if you're looking for someone who's ready to believe you and won't just tell you you're crazy, I'm a pretty good bet. 

~The Real Cie~

Trying Not to be a Needy Nebbish

I don't know if Alex Van Halen is empathic, but it wouldn't surprise me, as creative people often are empathic. I simply chose a quote that I liked, by a person I have some regard for.

Although we are good at picking up on the emotions of others, those of us who are empathic are often lonely. I have very few friends and don't want to risk pushing them away by being too needy, a problem I've had in the past.

I have had to learn that when my friends aren't in frequent contact, it likely isn't because they're deliberately trying to push me away. It's probably because something is going on in their lives that requires their immediate attention, or they may simply not be feeling like communicating with other people.

Not having had a lot of experience with true give and take relationships, I'm always learning what it's like to actually be a friend.

Sometimes I wish I had lots of like-minded friends so if one wasn't responding I could choose from a myriad of others so as to always be getting feedback and support. 

However, the truth is, while it may be possible to have a pretty well unlimited number of acquaintances or "drinking buddies," one's list of real friends tends to be a pretty short one.

Fair weather friends are easy to come by. Those who will stick with you even when your life or your perspective on life sucks are hard to find.

When guitarist Robbin Crosby contracted HIV and his HIV later became full-blown AIDS, he told his friend and former band mate Juan Croucier that he used to think he had all the friends in the world, but once he got sick, everyone disappeared. Robbin died feeling alone in the world, which is tragic. 

The fact that "Robbin Crosby fat" was one of the choices that generated when I typed in a search for Robbin Crosby to find the above picture disgusts me. The people making that search are likely doing so to feel superior to him, because fat = inferior, amirite?

No, you're not. You're an asshole. Fuck your tiny-minded schadenfreude.

Robbin was a lovely, kind, troubled person. He was a beautiful human being at any size. He was one of those people who felt things very deeply. Robbin was empathic, and sometimes this meant that he let destructive people into his life because he felt a need to help them. Many empathic people have this trouble.

He is also one of those people who illustrates the fact that you have no idea what a person's state of health is or what their diet is by looking at their body type. Robbin gained a lot of weight towards the end of his life, but it wasn't because he was eating a lot. He didn't feel very well most of the time, and didn't really enjoy eating. He put on weight because of metabolic changes.

I got off track because I was so enraged by that disgusting search choice. Back to the initial topic now.

I used to think it would be wonderful to be popular. If I were popular, I'd have all the friends I could ever wish for, right? Well, not really. Being popular doesn't necessarily mean you have real friends. Sometimes it means you don't know who your real friends are. Not that I know what that's like, as I've never been popular, it's simply an observation I've made where popular people are concerned.

For anyone who might be curious, I've chatted with Robbin Crosby on a few occasions. I can't tell you where his treasure is buried, and I didn't ask him about any deep, dark secrets. He is feeling okay with his transition into spirit at this point. He is still a sweetheart, he likes helping others when he can, and he still loves music. No, I have never had any sort of tryst with him, for those who might be curious about that aspect. He's a nice, supportive friend in spirit whom I wish I could have known in life.

I am generally able to find friends in spirit to chat with, but when my moods are dark and I am in a place of self-loathing, I have trouble trusting my input. For most people still in the flesh, we require connection with other incarnate souls. I do not require any sort of romantic connection with an incarnate person, but  I do need friendship, as feeling "lost at sea" is difficult, even for those who believe in the non-physical realms.

For those of us who are sighted, seeing is believing. I rarely see spirits. I sometimes wish I were better at seeing them, although given the choice, I'd rather sense their emotions and thoughts as I do. I wish I were proficient at both seeing and sensing.

I try not to be a needy nebbish with either my physical or non-corporeal friends, but sometimes its hard. I've felt alone and misunderstood for as long as I can remember. When I feel like someone understands me, it's hard not to drain the well, so to speak.

Why do I share these unpleasant truths about myself?

Because I wish I could find others willing to do so. Then I wouldn't feel so alone.

Since I haven't found those people, I need to be that person for others who might be feeling the way I do.

~Cie~

Wrung Out

I discovered today that a person who has been causing me trouble, seemingly unwittingly, for the past several months, is, in fact, a psychic vampire. Communicating with her, I felt as if I was looking into a black hole. She is not a misguided and troubled person as I initially convinced myself that she was. I should have gone with my gut, which told me right out of the gate that there was something really amiss with this person. 

Correction: She may be misguided and troubled, but she is also cold and dead inside and doesn't care who she hurts. She is charming outside, and a lot of people fall for her "poor me" act. Dealing with her one on one, it was revealed to me very quickly that she is a sociopath and a psychic vampire.

The sociopath is the polar opposite of the empath. Unfortunately, empaths have a tendency to fall victim to sociopaths. A sociopath can mimic emotions, but they lack empathy. The only emotions they feel are obsession and anger. They do not feel love, although they may use the word a lot and may confuse obsession with love.

Unfortunately, I left myself vulnerable to this person when I attempted to help her. I believed that if I offered her a sympathetic ear, I could redirect her energies from an erroneous pursuit of the love of someone who has no interest in her whatsoever. I thought I could help him and her at the same time.

Quickly, the entire discussion became about her. I felt myself wanting to get away, but for the sake of politeness, I was trapped. After all, how do you say "whoops, you aren't just an unhappy person misdirecting your energies, you're a psychic vampire! I'm gone!"

I discovered that she wasn't trying to catch the object of her obsessions and "make" him fall in love with her. It doesn't matter if he loves her or not. She stated that she "loves" him, but this actually translates to "I'm feeding off his energy and I'm damned if I'm going to stop."

I now need to protect her victim, me, and everyone in both of our spheres of influence. 

I wish I could scream from the rooftops the name of this person and warn everybody away from her. From a psychological standpoint, she is a manipulator and a master gaslighter. 

I can't reveal the entire conversation, but for me, this was the paragraph that screamed to me everything I needed to know about what I was dealing with.

"Although you believe my romantic feelings for "Will" might interfere with the healing energy I'm sending him...you're validating that the love I feel for him is real, and that satisfies me."

 

 This is a paragraph straight from the Sociopath Rule Book. It screams ME, ME, ME.

 

This individual does not actually care about the subject of her "healing support." She is glad that I "validated" the "love" she feels for him. It is all about her. She will keep focusing on him regardless of his desire for her to cease doing so, because she does not care that her energies are detrimental to his well-being.

Sadly, she has several people convinced that her "love" for him is ever so true and pure, and they blindly encourage this "love."

After dealing with this person, I was shaken for most of the day. If I'd had either Valium or alcohol on hand, I would have used them.

I can't believe that I was so gullible as to mistake this walking black hole for a misguided empath.

It can be hard dealing with people who have hot tempers. But I'd rather deal with someone who runs too hot than with someone whose soul is cold and dead any day.

 

~Cie~

Soul Calls

At The Beginning of the End: Version 6
Photoshop manipulation by The Real Cie

This is my final post on the Cie Loves Mal tumblr. 

I am no longer using this blog for its original purpose. I feel far too vulnerable doing so. I feel like I have revealed things that are much too personal. 

I was intending to delete the blog, however, I am leaving it here with one final post. I am creating a new blog for my artwork, stories, and personal thoughts. If you want the URL, say so in the comments. I don’t read messages.

I remember one time a blogger wondered why she had such strong emotions for James Hetfield, a person whom she has never met. Sure, she loves his music, but this emotion went far beyond the rational. As someone who has had a lot of experience with the metaphysical, I did not believe what she was feeling to be irrational, but at the time I couldn’t explain this phenomenon. I now can, and I hope to be able to save other people a lot of grief by doing so.

The information I discovered is in this post. Please read it. It will save you a lot of heartache. I wish I had known about this phenomenon when I was much younger. It would have saved me many years of pain.

The phenomenon I refer to is known as a Soul Call.

People with empathic abilities are particularly susceptible to soul calls.

The soul call explains why some people always have a tendency to find stray animals. It also explains why some people have a tendency to find wounded people whom they try to save, only to end up with a broken heart.

The soul call also explains why an otherwise rational person could feel as if she is falling in love with (for instance) James Hetfield, whom she has never met. It has nothing to do with lust or wanting to bang a rock musician for the thrill. She might not even necessarily want to have sex with him. She does, however, find herself wanting to be close to him. The desire to do so becomes all consuming.

This happens because James (or whomever) is feeling troubled about something. He may not even be consciously aware that he is particularly troubled, but his psyche is reaching out, saying “does someone have an answer for me?”

I am hoping that understanding the nature of soul calls can help quell the miserable feeling of unrequited love that all empaths feel at one time or another for a person whom they cannot possibly get close to, and whom it might not even be a good idea to get close to.

For my own part, I would have been saved 26 years of misery wherein I felt a strong pull towards someone who turned out to have both substance and sex addiction problems. This person haunted my dreams, literally. My need to find and get close to him destroyed my marriage. Fortunately, what I wanted never transpired. In fact, during my final astral encounter with him, I ended up telling him to stay away from me or I would hit him in the face with a shovel.

For the record, the person in question is not Malcolm Young.

Regarding Malcolm Young, his soul is screaming and has been for many years. I do not mean to imply that he is in a literal hell, for this is not the case. I only mean to impart that he is extremely troubled by his situation because he is sorry for hurting those who care about him and he can’t do anything about it.

I believe that what Angus said about Malcolm not being in his body at all any more is true. He is, for all intents and purposes, in spirit. The fact that his body remains in the material world is disconcerting and distressing to him.

Certainly there will be empaths who will hear this call and feel as if they are falling in love with such a spirit. However, romantic love is not what he needs or wants. Blessings, prayers, and peaceful vibrations are helpful to spirits in a situation such as Malcolm’s. Regarding Malcolm in particular, I think he would greatly welcome such assistance. 

In closing, yes, dear empathic souls, the love in your heart for the one whose soul call you are receiving is real. On closer examination, you are likely to find that it is not, in fact, romantic love. Look deeper. Ask how you can help. If you cannot sense anything concrete, simply send white light or say blessings or a prayer on behalf of the one making the soul call. Believe that it will help. It will.

I know now that I have received many soul calls over the years. I have been severely damaged by feelings of unrequited love and of loss, and it will take time for me to heal. I hope that I can save some of you the grief I have known. That is why I leave this here for you.

Peace, 

Cie

Otherworldly Love

Eternal Love by amasarac

 

Otherworldly Love

 

It's time to address a subject which is fairly common in paranormal fiction but which is not covered much in more scholarly metaphysical writing. The subject is relationships (usually romantic) between corporeal and non-corporeal beings.

These relationships can happen between humans and beings such as elementals or angels.* (See disclaimer at the end of the post) This post, however, will specifically address love relationships between incarnate and spectral humans.

Corporeal and non-corporeal people can and do fall in love. Sometimes the relationship was there prior to the departure of the non-corporeal person from the material realm. Other times it happens when the non-corporeal person (hereafter referred to as "ghost") meets and forms a bond with a sympathetic incarnate person with strong enough psychic abilities to interact with him or her.

I am addressing this topic because I imagine that there are other people like myself who, if nothing else, desperately need acknowledgement that they are not alone. Yes, this sort of thing does happen, and it can put you in a very lonely place if you're needing support or advice.

I can offer you support and acknowledgement that you are not alone. Any advice I have is primarily based on personal experience and thus may come with a bias. Further potential questions will be addressed below.

 

I made contact with a ghost. I love talking to him. I'm falling in love with him. He seems to feel the same way. Should I allow this relationship to happen or would it be better to stop it before things go too far?

 

I can't answer this question for you. Only you can make this decision. All I can do is tell you about my personal experiences in this area.

The same difficulties that you might have in a relationship with an incarnate person may arise in a relationship with a spectral person, and they tend to be magnified. In my case, jealousy has been a factor that damaged and eventually destroyed not only my material world marriage but several relationships with discarnate lovers, including my first real love.

I tend to attract abusive men in real life. The discarnate lovers I've attracted are generally not abusive, but every single one of them has been troubled in one way or another.

Content spirits whose lives ended at the proper time are not likely to be hanging around the Earth plane. I do not ascribe to the idea that all spirits who have unresolved issues are malevolent. Spirits are just like incarnate people. Some are benevolent, others are not.

Once you have insured that the spirit you are dealing with is benevolent, only you can make the decision whether a romantic relationship with him or her will be more positive than negative. I do offer Tarot readings which may help shed light on the subject, but in the end, the choice is up to you.

 

You mentioned that you have been romantically involved with spirits. How many?

 

I've had numerous platonic friendships which I still maintain. Romantic involvements, of which there have been nine, include incarnate people with whom I've had a bond on an astral level, which is a different subject but I include it here because it can have a significant impact on a person's life.

 

Wow! Did these all end badly?

 

Most of them. Some of them just ran their course. As I said before, I don't do relationships well.

 

Are you currently involved with a spirit?

 

Yes.

 

Can you tell me something about him or her? Do you think things will turn out better this time?

 

I think things will be better this time because I've learned a lot. My relationship with Gem is different than it ever was with any other spirit. He tries very hard to let me know he's with me. He is extremely gentle. He gives off a warm energy when he touches me.

We've had arguments because of my jealousy. He actually pushes back more than some of my previous involvements. He won't put up with my accusing him of things he hasn't done. He's extremely sensitive, and I hate hurting him. We talked things out and it made our bond stronger.

I wasn't expecting a romantic involvement with Gem. I was very open to contact with him, but I figured our bond would be platonic. I'd made a pact with myself to never again be involved with a spirit after the five year long bond I had with my previous love, Tore, ended acrimoniously back in 2011.

Gem really needed someone to talk to. I knew I could trust him so I let him in when he asked. Yes, ghosts are like vampires. They can't come in unless you invite them. The exception is with a place where they resided or spent a lot of time in life.

Gem started spending a lot of time with me. In less than a week, I became aware that his feelings for me were more than platonic, which surprised me and terrified me because I knew I could easily fall in love with him if I let myself.

I talked to him about the feelings I was sensing from him because I knew that he had been involved with the same person for many years. He said that she was ready to be done with him. He was very ill in the last years of his life. He said that she was sick of taking care of him and that the bond, while strong, had never been particularly passionate.

He is literally the only one that I would have broken my "never again" rule for. I don't regret it, but it's been challenging because of my trust issues.

Gem is actually good friends with my first spectral love, Bel. This made things a bit awkward, but it was more humorous than truly problematic. We're all good friends with each other, and Bel supports Gem and me wholeheartedly.

 

I want a ghost lover! How can I get one?

 

I would advise not directly looking for a spectral lover. Putting this vibration into the Universe will be likely to attract predatory spirits and lower astral entities.

If you wish to communicate with spirits in general, this is fine. You need to take measures to protect yourself. There are many good articles on this subject.

None of my relationships were planned. They were all spirits (or, in some cases, bonds with incarnate people on an astral level) who were seeking assistance, and I offered my assistance.

 

How do you communicate with your lover? Do you have sex with him?

 

I am primarily clairsentient or empathic. I sense his emotions. I receive images from him. I really enjoy writing with him. He is a very creative personality and he loves the fact that he found an obsessive writer to bond with.

Yes, we do have sex. It's different than it would be if we were both incarnate or if we were both spectral. It's also different with him than it was with anyone before him, because he really focuses his intent on making it a beautiful experience for me. He's a very gentle soul, and this translates well when we make love.

The most important thing, however, is not the sex. It's the emotional bond that we have each other. We love each other and try to make each other happy.

 

I feel like I've formed a bond with the spirit of a famous person. Is this possible?

 

Yes, but this is one you have to be really careful with, even more so than if your spectral intended is Jane Plain or Joe Blow. The more famous the person, the more likely that it is actually a lower astral entity or succubus/incubus pretending to be them.

Is said famous person really enjoying playing the astral field with multiple incarnate people? Possibly, but probably not. Spirits tend to be more honest than incarnate people. Benevolent spirits also have a moral code about not wanting to bring harm to vulnerable incarnate folk.

Also, unless you are dealing with an unrecovered sex addict, most spirits really are not interested in sex with numerous incarnate partners. Dealing with incarnate people can be exhausting. It would be far easier to simply find other like-minded spirits to get busy with.

It is possible for multiple empaths (clairsentients) to receive a Soul Call from a discarnate famous person with unresolved issues. Again, the more famous the person the more likely that you are receiving a Soul Call rather than a come-on to be their lover.

Any benevolent spirit will understand reluctance to jump right into a liaison which could potentially harmful to their incarnate intended. A benevolent spirit will never try to pressure you into a romantic bond or sex. If you are feeling pressure of this nature, then the spirit is not who they say they are and you need to take measures to protect yourself.

Another frustration with involvement with a famous person in spirit is the fact that revealing your bond will open you to ridicule and possible threats from others. Unless you find someone you can really trust, you can never talk about it with anyone, even in the more open-minded communities. I learned the hard way about this one!

 

So you've been involved with the spirit of a famous person?

 

Yes. I don't feel comfortable disclosing details.

 

You mentioned that you do Tarot readings?

 

Yes. I do a basic Celtic Cross reading at $25 flat rate for either a general reading or one specific question. If you'd like a reading, leave your email in the contacts and I'll get in touch with you. I'm in the process of making a page I can direct potential clients to.

 

Can you help me communicate with my spectral friend/beloved?

 

I am only able to communicate with spirits that contact me directly. I don't feel confident in my skills as a go-between type of medium. If any readers know a medium whose skills they'd recommend, please leave their details in the comments.

 

Any other helpful ideas?

 

If you have even an inkling that you may be a psychic sensitive or empathy, you can join the Empath Support community. It's a small place, but I'd like to see it grow. (I'm not a moderator or creator, just a member.)

I'm thinking about starting a community for people with otherworldly friends and lovers, but I know it would be a lot of work keeping out the riff-raff who want to belittle those who feel they've had this experience. It's a possibility for the future.

 

Wow! You must be really special to have all this knowledge!

 

More like really old, and I'm hardly omniscient. I'm just a very flawed soul who has been on a long strange trip. It takes a lot of courage for me to share what I've shared here.

I'm finally taking back the power that I've allowed others to steal from me over the years. I'd like for others who are going through some of the things that I went through mostly alone to feel as though they have support.

I may have more experience than some of you but that does not make me a "better" person. We are all equal and we all have things to teach each other.

 

This page is a work in progress. More will be added as I think of it!

 

Love and Light,

Cie

 

*My statement about romantic bonds between angels and incarnate humans is not evidence that I support canon Destiel, as I do not. My dislike for Destiel does not mean that I am a homophobe or biphobe, it simply means that I don't like Destiel. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

If you're wondering what Destiel is, it's a ship between the Supernatural characters Dean Winchester and the angel Castiel. I actually don't have a problem with the ship itself. What I do have a problem with is the obsessive behavior of some of its devotees, who try to force this ship on others and who harass and threaten those who aren't keen on it, including Jensen Ackles, the actor who plays Dean Winchester.

This page is not the place to discuss shipping, Supernatural or otherwise. I only bring it up because I've had issues with these "Destiehellers" on my own Supernatural fan blog. They cling to the slightest "evidence" that "Destiel will be canon," and I feared that my statement about romantic unions between incarnate humans and angelic beings could be taken as such "evidence" if one of them happened upon this page.

Yes, they are bad enough that I feel the need for a pre-emptive strike, however vague the possibility that they may manifest here.