Grief and Love, Worthless and Hollow as Myself

Missing Lafayette. Lost him July 17 of last year to kidney failure.

Missing Trinity. Lost her 13 days ago to brain and lung cancer.

Feel so sad about the way dementia has destroyed Malcolm Young’s mind so he “isn’t in there at all any more” according to his brother. Fucking dementia is the worst.
The 28th of this month will mark the 6th anniversary of my father’s passing after 6 years of decline both physically and cognitively.

You are forever loved, but my love is worth fucking nothing. It can’t save anybody, can’t bring anybody back. My love is hollow, painful, a worthless echo. I am so sorry. If I could trade I would.
~Cie~

Contradictory Ray of Black Hole Sunshine

There are things in my life which leaves me wondering "am I really and truly the oddest person in the history of ever anywhere?" Is there anyone else who when they're supposed to be sleeping but can't creates sad tributes in Photoshop while yelling at the cats that keep walking over their tablet?
My life sounds like I'm probably someone who does a lot of drugs, but I'm actually a complete teetotaler. I don't even smoke cigarettes at this point.
I'm such a mass of contradictions. I sound really interesting, given the above description, but I'm actually incredibly boring. Considering that I'm so boring I should be causing myself to fall asleep by my mere presence, but yet I can't sleep.
Most of the time I really hate being me, but I really don't want to be anyone else.
I'm just a really mixed up little ray of manic depressive black hole sunshine, aren't I?

~Cie~