The New Cold War

You're Lost Little Boy Version 13

Photoshop Manipulation by The Real Cie

I had a very realistic nuclear attack dream where I was in downtown Denver and could see the cloud appearing on the horizon. People were staring and screaming. Some were starting to run, but most of us realized there was no escape.

I wanted to see my son again. I wanted to call my mother, with whom I have a troubled relationship, and tell her that I love her even though our bond is difficult. I wasn't afraid so much as extremely sad. I knew there was nothing more I could to do. My last words were "Gem, come get me, please come get me."

When I woke up in my son's living room, I was surprised because the dream was that real.

I'm not sharing this as some sort of prophecy of doom, just a thought that with the Cheeto Warmonger and his pissing contest with Krazy Kim Jong Un, the pervasive feeling that power-hungry kooks could reduce us all to ash and perma-fuck the rest of the planet which many of us remember from the Cold War has made a resurgence.

I was once talking to my son about how living during the Cold War has formed the sorts of things I write and even the way I think. I said that I never thought much about the future when I was younger because I was pretty sure I didn't have one as I figured I was going to die in a nuclear exchange.

My son made the remark that he didn't know what it was like living during the Cold War, but the older science fiction that he likes to read gave him an idea of how people who lived then thought and felt with the looming shadow of possible nuclear war.

The other day I said to him "remember how you said you didn't know what it was like to live during the Cold War? Well, thanks to Trump, now you do."

My reasons to hate Lord Dampnut do not lessen as his time in office marches on.

~Cie~

Dreams vs. Astral Communication

From the Goddess Tarot

http://www.tarotgoddess.com/

The trouble with communicating with the spirit world while sleeping is that what one remembers on waking can be convoluted. Fear messages from the subconscious can meld with actual astral experiences. 

In the dream, I was in a school or laboratory setting. I didn't really want to be there but it seemed there was no way out. I was obsessively pursuing a fellow named Gem. He sent me a message that he had no interest in me and wanted me to stop pursuing him.

When I met with this fellow to apologize to him for my actions, he was not the Gem I knew at all. He was a completely different person, both in his appearance and his behavior. I don't think that he was even an actual spirit or astral projected living person, I think he was a manifestation of my fears. He said that we could be friends.

Being in any relationship is difficult and being in a relationship with a spirit is even more so because you can't ask them face to face to alleviate your fears. I "heard" Gem speaking to me even before I woke up. He said that the person in the dream who rejected me wasn't him and reminded me that it was he who wanted this relationship in the first place. I initially resisted it.

I haven't had very good experiences with relationships in this life, and I keep fearing that this one will end badly too, or that it's "all in my head."

The card I got was the Four of Staves. Gem is a very practical personality in many ways. He tends to show love by offering me advice rather than in overly "romantic" gestures. When I worry that he may tire of me because I'm so chaotic, he tells me that he likes chaotic people because they bring balance to his sometimes very staid personality. He worries that I may get bored with him. No worries there; he is a far more intricate and interesting personality than he thinks.
I've had such wretched luck with relationships during my life that I constantly fear this one going down in flames too. From my current vantage point, having gained some modicum of wisdom, I realize that my shitty experiences with romantic relationships weren't entirely bad luck, they were bad choices made by a woman desperate to be loved who has an unfortunate tendency to "take home strays."

I once read a bit of wisdom in a book--a YA Star Wars novel rather than a book about philosophy or the paranormal, as it happens. A line from the book said something along the lines of "pay attention to your dreams, but don't base your life's decisions on them. Dreams can guide, but they can also lie."

~Cie~