"Marwa Blues"

Eating Fruit Pastelles, typing and drinking green tea ASMR triggers

Fun Stuff: Learn about Cie and Gem

After all the recent heavy posts, here's some fluff so all -666 of my readers can learn about Gem's and my relationship, if you care or something.

Who is older? Gem is 12 years older than Cie
Did you go to the same school? No
Who is the most sensitive? Both
Where do you eat out most as a couple? Gem is spectral and doesn't need to eat. He follows Cie where she goes.
Who has the worst temper? Cie
Who is more social? Depends on the situation. We're both pretty shy.
Who is the most stubborn? We're both stubborn
Who wakes up earlier? Gem is spectral and doesn't need to sleep. He likes to be there when Cie wakes up.
Who has the bigger family? Gem
Do you get flowers often? If Cie sees a snowdrop, it is a sign that Gem is sending her a message
Who eats the most? Cie. Gem doesn't need to eat.
Who wears the pants in your relationship? It's the fucking 21st century. Could we do away with this sexist and archaic phrase? Anybody can wear pants, and I would never be in a relationship that wasn't an equitable one.
Who cries more? Gem. Cie has learned to stuff her emotions. She tends to have angry outbursts rather than tears.
Who hogs the bed? Cie
Who said "I love you" first? Gem
Who is the better cook? Cie. Gem doesn't need to cook.
Who is more messy? Cie
Who is the better singer? Gem. He sings to Cie to soothe and calm her.
Who's the better driver? Cie. Spirits don't drive.

~Cie and Gem~

The Cheese Grates It: When Victims Feel the Need to Confess

Stock image purchased from 123rf.com

This post is a response to Evan Rachel Wood's revelation regarding being a survivor of sexual assault.

https://twitter.com/evanrachelwood/status/803354562337865728/photo/1?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

It's sad that women feel the need to confess that we've been sexually assaulted, as if we're the ones who did something wrong. My most recent sexual assault happened nearly 20 years ago. I don't fear being home alone. I don't fear falling asleep. However, I am not and never will be the same. I was 32 years old when it happened. I will be 52 in February of 2017. To the day I die, I will never forget it. It was an acquaintance rape (ex boyfriend.) I never went to the police. I had been drinking, and I knew they'd ask why I let him into my apartment. I let him in because I didn't expect him to rape me.

We'd been at a Halloween party "as friends" and he got angry with me for flirting with a co-worker. So he wouldn't cause more trouble, I took him back to my apartment even though I was way too drunk to drive. I let him in. I thought he'd left. I went to bed fully clothed. I woke up with my clothes off and him on top of me. I told him to stop. I was too drunk to fight. When he was done, he said "now we're back together again." I had panic attack after panic attack from the time I woke up until about 5 hours into the day. I was terrified to go to sleep because I knew once I did I'd just wake up to the same thing again. This went on for a year. My family told me "well, you got over this once before, you'll get over it again." I was a mess. I was dying inside. The only reason I didn't commit suicide was because of my son. I know now that some of the poor decisions I made at that period in my life were due to untreated bipolar disorder. Regardless of the reason, nobody deserves to have done to them what was done to me. When I'm alone, I still prefer to sleep in a confined space, i.e. a twin bed or a couch. I think that subconsciously I feel safer there.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

Dreams vs. Astral Communication

From the Goddess Tarot

http://www.tarotgoddess.com/

The trouble with communicating with the spirit world while sleeping is that what one remembers on waking can be convoluted. Fear messages from the subconscious can meld with actual astral experiences. 

In the dream, I was in a school or laboratory setting. I didn't really want to be there but it seemed there was no way out. I was obsessively pursuing a fellow named Gem. He sent me a message that he had no interest in me and wanted me to stop pursuing him.

When I met with this fellow to apologize to him for my actions, he was not the Gem I knew at all. He was a completely different person, both in his appearance and his behavior. I don't think that he was even an actual spirit or astral projected living person, I think he was a manifestation of my fears. He said that we could be friends.

Being in any relationship is difficult and being in a relationship with a spirit is even more so because you can't ask them face to face to alleviate your fears. I "heard" Gem speaking to me even before I woke up. He said that the person in the dream who rejected me wasn't him and reminded me that it was he who wanted this relationship in the first place. I initially resisted it.

I haven't had very good experiences with relationships in this life, and I keep fearing that this one will end badly too, or that it's "all in my head."

The card I got was the Four of Staves. Gem is a very practical personality in many ways. He tends to show love by offering me advice rather than in overly "romantic" gestures. When I worry that he may tire of me because I'm so chaotic, he tells me that he likes chaotic people because they bring balance to his sometimes very staid personality. He worries that I may get bored with him. No worries there; he is a far more intricate and interesting personality than he thinks.
I've had such wretched luck with relationships during my life that I constantly fear this one going down in flames too. From my current vantage point, having gained some modicum of wisdom, I realize that my shitty experiences with romantic relationships weren't entirely bad luck, they were bad choices made by a woman desperate to be loved who has an unfortunate tendency to "take home strays."

I once read a bit of wisdom in a book--a YA Star Wars novel rather than a book about philosophy or the paranormal, as it happens. A line from the book said something along the lines of "pay attention to your dreams, but don't base your life's decisions on them. Dreams can guide, but they can also lie."

~Cie~

The Cheese Grates It: Red or Blue Pill

Perhaps I'm the only one who will say blue. I'm already 51 and while not in terrible health, I do have some serious although currently manageable issues which raise the risk of my being taken out prematurely. I would want to know that my son was going to be taken care of. Having the money to guarantee that would be more important to me than the opportunity to maybe make better decisions but possibly end up right where I am again.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

The Cheese Grates It: Let's Focus on Issues, not Bodies

Donald Trump's character and policies affect the country and potentially the world. Melania Trump's nude photos do not.

Not that anyone I know is doing this, but how about we focus on the political aspects of the president elect and vice president elect and their deplorable cabinet picks rather than taking cheap shots at Donald Trump's physique or the photos that Melania Trump posed for in the past, both things that have no bearing on anything of any consequence.

I really couldn't give a rip about the photos. I can't stand the hypocrisy of many of Trump's supporters, though, who lambasted Michelle Obama for wearing a modest sleeveless dress, saying it wasn't "fitting" for a first lady, but completely ignore Melania Trump wearing far less. Notice I said the hypocrisy of the supporters, not her posing.

In any case, calling Melania Trump a whore does not solve the real problem: the damage that Donald Trump and MIke Pence are going to do while they're in office. I wish people would refrain from such cheap insults and also from the cheap shots at Trump's physique. You aren't hurting Trump by fat shaming him, you are hurting innocent people who may have that body type and see all the insults hurled at a person whose body looks like theirs, or may have loved ones with that body type. Instead of cheap shots, let's focus on the real issue: their politics.

I posed for art classes many years ago, and yes, I do mean buck nekkid. I had people (not the art students or teachers) saying that I must be an "exhibitionist" and thinking that I must be promiscuous. Nothing could be further from the truth. I dress very modestly, my clothing tends to be loose and concealing. I am far from promiscuous. My relationships were few and far between. Unfortunately, they were always bad, and as it happens, I have been celibate by choice since 2000 and have no desire to change that truth in this lifetime.

Nude photos (or artwork) are inconsequential. You can't glean anything about anyone's character based on whether or not they were comfortable posing nude.

Melania Trump is not the one holding the office of the President. Let's focus on the character and actions of the person who is, on his vice president, and on others holding key positions. Those are the people whose actions will affect our futures.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~