30 Days of De-Objectification: Keith Richards

Keith Richards: Under the Influence

30 Days of De-Objectification:

Keith Richards

There are few people that the so-called “classic rock fandom” of Tumblr love to objectify more than Keith Richards. However, there are few people less likely than Keith Richards to give this crowd of delusional girls the sort of attention they claim to want from men old enough to be their grandfathers.

We all know what I think of their unseemly behavior. So, I say we should meet the real and genuine human being behind Keith Richards’ “mad, bad, and dangerous to know” image.*

Keith Richards is a “good bad boy.” He never had any interest in accumulating notches on his proverbial belt. He said in his autobiography that he has never been aggressive when pursuing women. Anita Pallenberg, for instance, took the lead in starting their long-lasting relationship. Keith and Anita had three children together: Marlon (b. 1969), Angela (b. 1972), and a son named Tara (b. 1976) who died from SIDS at two months of age.

Keith was more assertive than usual when he met Patti Hansen in 1979. He was completely taken with her. Keith and Patti married on Keith’s birthday in 1983 and are still happily married. They have two daughters: Theodora, born in 1985 and Alexandra, born in 1986. Theodora now has a radio show on Sirius XM.

Keith is also a proud and loving grandfather to five grandchildren.

Keith’s stoned bad boy image inspired Johnny Depp’s performance as Captain Jack Sparrow, the beloved drunken, lecherous, devil-may-care star of the Pirates of the Caribbean series. Keith candidly discusses his longtime heroin addiction in his autobiography. He was a functional addict for close to 25 years.

Keith is often praised for his skill as a rhythm guitarist. Angus Young was once asked what he might do after losing so many members of his longtime band. Angus said that he might call Keith Richards and find out if he wanted to work on anything. He stated that Keith was “a great rhythm guitarist, like Malcolm.” (Angus’ late older brother.)

Keith Richards is a gentle, sensitive, talented, and extremely bright individual. I was moved by his devotion to his mother despite never having quite forgiven her for having his pet cat and his mouse, Gladys, euthanized by a local veterinarian. Doris, as described by Keith, was a tough old bird, not much of one for sentiment. Fortunately, her son never became hardened as she did.

Keith is a firm believer in doing right by others, even if he occasionally sticks his foot in his mouth during interviews, particularly where Mick Jagger is concerned. Despite the bickering between Keith and Mick, Keith has stated more than once that he loves Mick like a brother.

I love Keith Richards and have since I was a little child and my parents would play their Rolling Stones records. I loved looking at the album covers as well as dancing to the music. I think it’s a damn shame that Keith and I were never able to meet in this lifetime. I would enjoy meeting his family. He could cook us up some Shepherd’s pie (one of his favorite dishes) or bangers and mash (another favorite) and we could all sit around and talk.

I can certainly understand adoration for one of the greatest guitarists and most special human beings to have graced the modern music scene.

What I can’t understand is the lack of respect for this wild yet gentle soul.

Show the man some regard rather than acting like a drooling idiot, for the sake of all that’s right. He’s earned it. Besides, he’d be puzzled and more than possibly put off by the rabid fan behavior.

*Quote from Nick Kent (music journalist) quoting Lord Byron.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

You Don't Move Me Anymore

You made the wrong motion 

Drank the wrong potion 

You lost the feeling 

Not so appealing 

Why do you think you got no friends 

You drove them all around the bend

 Oh yeah 

You don't move me anymore

Now you wanna throw the dice 

You already crapped out twice 

Oh yeah, Oh yeah 

You just don't move me anymore 

One face so seamy 

The other don't see me 

It's better that you kill the light 

You're giving us all a fright 

Oh yeah 

You don't move me anymore 

How you gonna keep your wealth 

Can't even defend yourself 

Ah yeah

 Oh no 

You just don't move me anymore 

What makes you so greedy 

Makes you so seedy 

No matter how you flip that dime 

On our side is time 

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah 

It's no longer funny 

It's bigger than money 

You just don't move me anymore