30 Days of De-Objectification: X-Rated

30 Days of De-Objectification:

X-Rated

Initially, being crude and crass may seem edgy and cool. The edgelords think they’re just “telling it like it is.” They don’t want social conventions to hold them back from blurting out the most inappropriate things. Being lewd and crude shows just how badass they are.

Except it really doesn’t.

Reading unfiltered smut with real people as its subject is like watching porn, only not as entertaining.

I honestly don’t watch porn anymore, but when I used to, there was a distinct pattern with it. Porn is sexy for about ten minutes. Then it becomes boring and silly. The only way I’d watch a porn flick all the way through was if they were clever enough to have a funny little story with it. However, I’d find myself fast-forwarding through the sex scenes. There are only so many different ways to have sex.

Y’all’s smutty fics about real people aren’t that good.

Mostly, they’re embarrassing to read, and you should be embarrassed to be making them public.

It isn’t that I’ve never written explicit fantasies involving real people. I’m not going to say who, because I don’t think that’s something that needs to be public knowledge.

Also, I honestly don’t think my personal smut is a particularly great read.

There’s a reason why it’s personal.

I have a bawdy sense of humor. I cut my teeth on Monty Python. I enjoy innuendo and double entendre. One of the reasons I thought AC/DC were such great fun was because of their cheekiness. However, part of the art of being cheeky is knowing when to hold back. Dropping trou and flashing your ass to a receptive crowd for a lark is a laugh. Turning around and yanking your crank (or diddling your clit) in public is not going to be well-received.

There is a difference between a well-crafted explicit fic involving fictional characters and an over-the-top jerkoff fantasy about real people.

Let’s say that you have a thing for a musician by the name of Ace Bass, because I’m not going to write explicit shit about any real musicians.

It’s fine to write your own secret fantasies about you and Ace.

It’s fine to share your secret fantasies with trusted friends.

It’s gross and unnecessary to tell the world on your public blog that you want Ace to bend you over the railing on your grandpappy’s farm and slam his big log into your tunnel of love.

It’s also unnecessary to publicly reveal that you’d like to watch Ace and his bandmate, Guitar Charlie, cornhole each other like a couple of horny homosexual farmhands in the middle of Grandpappy’s ole cornfield.

Even when I was young and dumb and horny, I always thought how utterly embarrassed I’d be if the person I was writing about read what I was writing about him. So, I kept that shit to myself.

“Oh, come on, what’s the likelihood that they’d ever read it?” you may be saying.

Well, not that great, maybe.

But then again, I never thought I’d chat with Nikki Sixx, and I did.

These people are real people.

I’d feel terrible if I wrote something explicitly sexual about them and they saw it, because it would embarrass them.

As I’ve said before, I can find someone attractive, even extremely attractive, and not objectify them.

I’ve been objectified.

I don’t like it.

I don’t think most people like it.

Things don’t always need to take a turn down Sex Street.

Think about how the object of your lust would feel if he read what you were writing.

Do you really think he’d like it? Or would he find it crass and disrespectful?

Keep the X-rated RPF on the Down-Low.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~